Well..... everyone just left and I am in a quiet house. Lucy is sleeping, Matt went back to work, Ivy is with my parents, and the social workers just left. We spent an hour signing adoption papers. At the end I was choking back the tears. Lucy will not be adopted until we go to court but this day was huge. She is out of the foster care system, I got all of her files, medical and info. on her birth parents. I have so many emotions but I will share a few.
Sitting in church last night I was reflecting on the last 7 years of my marriage to Matt, our hopes and dreams, our desire to have children...how I prayed to have a baby for so many years and the Lord gently told me no. We never had a heart for adoption the way some people do but the Lord changed our whole lives through this trial. How do I even begin to thank Him for this wonderful, beautiful path that we have been on for 7 years? Before we adopted Ivy, this trial brought Matt and I to a closeness with each other that we might never have had. Matt is a strong, beautiful soul who any child would be lucky to call "Daddy". I truly love him more now by seeing how he obeyed the Lord through such hard times, how he loved and cared for me during my deepest hurts.
I thought about Ivy. So much to say about her. I often wonder if she will ever know what she truly means to me. Not because she is my daughter, or she was adopted, or because she is my first, but because I love the PERSON she is. There is no one like her. I often think that there is no one on this earth (besides you honey :) that I would like to spend my time with. My world would not be the same without her in it.
I thought about foster care. How before Ivy was born we said that we would NEVER do it. (I will say more about this when I write out Lucy's adoption story.) Again, the Lord changed our hearts to this hard, hurtful, loving, tender, selfless journey that we have been on for the last 2 years. I think of Delicia, Isaac, and especially Sissy. I still don't totally know why he didn't make her mine. It still hurts but I do know that I trust Him with my life and the direction He has taken it.
I thought of Lulu and the joy she has been for 9 months. Not just a joy to me but to so many people who love her. I can't wait to share my life with her and her life with mine.
I thought about my church. I have never been to a church like Placerita Baptist Church. They would pray for Matt and I every week. Strangers sending us cards, pastors calling us even when they were across the country, people bringing us meals. When I think of PBC, this is how a church should be. Last night when they announced that we were signing our papers, the whole church clapped. It still brings tears to my eyes. God's family is so wonderful.
Last but certainly not least, it made me think of both of my birth moms. One I have met, hugged and kissed, called and visited with, the other, I will never know. One sacrificially gave me my daughter, the other one didn't have a choice. I love them both. I pray for them both. I am thankful to the Lord for them both.
Thank you Lord for today. You truly know what is best for my life more than I do. I choose Your way!