I was going along my merry way this week. Self centered, with a divided heart. Thinking about all the things in my life I wish were different, all the material things that I was concerned with….then it happened. A close friend of mine was having a medical emergency. There is nothing like that to swoop you out of your self centered life and remind you what really matters, what is important, and who is in control of it all.
As I was helpless and thousands of miles away, I drove home from work and started begging the Lord on her behalf. I was crying and fighting anger as I prayed. "LORD, WHERE ARE YOU?" I've had a lot of silence from Him as we have been really praying that Matt will get a job soon and as that has been weighing on our hearts, this happens.
One of the hardest parts to go through in a trial is when there is no movement. Nothing. Nada. Hanging out. Trying to keep your mind set on what's true. But it weighs on you. Then when an even bigger crisis comes. BOOM! It wakes you up. I went from praying about these things to pleading with the Lord on my friend's behalf.
On my way home, it started to drizzle rain. It was like a few tear drops. It reminded me of Jesus talking to Martha when Lazarus died. Her brother had just died and she said to Him, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." Jesus saw her weeping and those with her and then it says that He wept. (John 11) I know that His weeping was because of our fallen world and that results in sorrow and death but I also know He loved this family.
I was reminded how much the Lord loves Matt and I. How much He loves my friend. He hurts when we hurt. He is a loving God. That also means He is going to do what's best for us. He is building in us endurance, character and hope. (Romans 5:3-4) He is in complete control and He does answer prayer. My friend turned out to be fine (for now) and I cried again as I got this news.
Man, life is hard! It makes me long for heaven. As I continue to wait for a job for Matt, give my friend's health up to the hands of Jesus, look at Him with a clearer focus, I just want to remember that He cares. He loves us. We are His. He isn't up in heaven with a metal rod moving things as He pleases without any care on how it affects us. He weeps for us. With us. Something so simple but a comfort to remember because I easily forget. Sometimes the more theology (stuff about God) you know, the more it can cloud the simplicity of what is true. His love. His care. His concern. His best.
No matter what you are going through, whatever you are waiting for, whatever answer that hasn't come yet. He loves and cares for you too. Praise Him.
2018 Summer Bucket List
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