As I should be studying John for an upcoming lecture, I am thankful to the Lord that He has taken me to Philippians. I have been in a funk the last couple of days. It could be that I have been sick but also I have really been asking the Lord for some things and frankly, He has not answered in the timely manner that I would like. I begged Him yesterday for some answers and He remained silent. Normally I wouldn't mind sharing with y'all the desires of my heart but I know it would turn into…"You and Matt deserve it with all you've been through." or " I totally understand."
As I was reading through Philippians today Paul writes,
"Indeed, I count everything as loss, because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ."
I just looked at that and thought…"But the heart wants what it wants….. and it wants!" Really, I want to say that I count everything as loss but I don't. I "want" bad. Yesterday I read in Philippians 2:13
"For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."
That verse tells me two things. One, it is God who does the work in me. I can't do it. My heart is sinful and selfish so I need Him. But secondly, it tells me that the work is for HIS good pleasure. Not mine. His ultimate will will be done in my life to accomplish His purpose. As much as that hurts sometimes, I get it. Philippians 2:5 says why. So that "you shine as lights in the world." Frankly, most times we shine brighter through trials than we do with out them. I have had more conversations with people going through hard times because of the hard times I have been through.
So how does God do that work in me? verse 16 says,"Holding fast to the Word of Life." I have to cling to Him. Be in God's word so that He can comfort me. Abide in Him. Let Him transform my heart and mind. Even when it stings and I have this internal struggle.
Yet, if you think He doesn't care, Paul reminds us in 4:19
"And My God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
Not every want but every need. And sometimes we get mixed up what we want and what we need. My heart wants what it wants….and it wants…but clinging to my Savior with hope that He will turn those wants into something similar to His.
"O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander,Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for They courts above."
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