Then There Were None (Romans 3:22-24)

I have written before about my favorite sermon by my Pastor, Byron Yawn.  I have been wanting to post another favorite, must listen to sermon and then BAM!  He preached another great one on Sunday so I have to hurry and put this one up.  He has been going through Romans and you would benefit to go to the  Community Bible Church website and listen to the "Then There Were None" series.  This sermon I am posting is part 6 of that series.  I left that day overwhelmed by grace.  I wanted to cry as I left, overwhelmed by Jesus.  I'm so thankful for my friend who loves Jesus and loves His church.  Enjoy! 

The Only Way Out is Through

I have quoted lines from this sermon so much over the last couple of years that I finally decided to post it.  I think every Christian should take the time to listen to this.  My pastor Byron preached this sermon in 2011 when we weren't even living in Nashville but I have listened to it so many times, including today.  If you are not a Christian but you are wanting to know where my focus has been, then here it is. Leave a comment and tell me how it has ministered to your own life.  I would love for ya'll to take time and listen to it.

The Day I Met Kirk Cameron

I had a sweet lady from church share a story with me today that had reminded her of a story I told at our first women's breakfast at church.  I think I might have shared this story on a previous blog while talking about Ivy's adoption story but I thought I would sit down and write it again.  I have always wanted Kirk to hear this story and who knows.....

This story goes back almost 9 years ago while still living in California.  Wow!  I can't believe it!  I am getting old.  haha  Anyways,  Matt and I had been trying to have a baby for a while and had turned to infertility treatments to try and help us.  It was a hard, scary, lonely, depressing trial that the Lord had us in.  Things had not been working in our favor.  My doctor was in Thousand Oaks and I would have to drive from Santa Clarita (about 45 minutes on a good day) every other day.  I would go by myself because Matt could not take that much time off work.  My work was generous with my time but it would still stress me out.

This was a particularly hard day because I was feeling really emotional.  I had tried to be strong for so long and I was at the end of my rope.  I tried to hurry through the appointment because I was getting ready to cry and I didn't want to do it in front of the doctor.  I got in the car and just sat there.  I couldn't even pull away.  I started to pray.  One of those prayers when you have nothing left.  You are so broken and weak and you NEED Christ to take the reigns. (Or wheel...thank you Carrie Underwood)  I told the Lord that I was so down and I had been discouraged without good news for so long that I needed something from Him.  I wasn't asking Him to make me pregnant or to hurry us out of the trial but I needed something from Him to show me that He was there.  That He saw me.  That He was going to lift me up.  I remember that I reaffirmed to Him that I would try hard to press on and be a testimony for Him.

(Insert background:  Jr high and high school.  I was one of those girls that LOVED Kirk Cameron.  I would pray for his salvation because we couldn't be married if he wasn't saved.  HAHA  Oh young girls!  As an adult when people would play the game of what celebrity they would want to meet and people would say, Brad and Angelina or Tom Cruise, I would always say Kirk Cameron.  WHAT?  I would get a good laugh.  It got really embarrassing when some of my friends actually became friends with the Cameron family and they always said..."I have this friend Kelli."  UGH!  I would have never said anything if I knew that! haha)

Back to my story.....

I got in my car and drove to a gas station and I saw a guy that had a 80's look about him.  It was not Kirk Cameron but it made me think of him and I literally said, " Now Lord.  That would make my day!"  Like.  Yes Lord.  That would for sure cheer me up (meeting Kirk Cameron).  I kind of chuckled on the inside.  On my way out of town I stopped at Jamba Juice to get a drink on my way back for work and who was there, reading his bible outside of Jamba Juice?  KIRK CAMERON!!!!

I. ABOUT. DIED.   I wanted to call Matt.  (You know.  My husband.  The one I love and actually DID marry.)  Matt had always told me that if I ever saw him I had to say hello because he never wanted to hear me talk for the rest of my life of what our conversation could have been.

So in obedience to my husband, I walked up to him. (with no plan mind you) and I started talking.  100 miles a minute.  Really fast.  I think I talked about John MacArthur.  Kirk's Christian testimony.  I don't know.  I just know I talked.  He listened.  I think he was fascinated with my speed in conversation.  There may have been a point where I felt the need to stop and leave.   I remember ending with "Keep up the good work."  And he said, "You too " and gave me a thumbs up.  HAHAHA  I can't stop laughing as I type this because of what he must have thought.

I got in the car and called Matt at work....SCREAMING.... then my parents, friends, bible study leader.  When I got to school it was my topic of the day.  I even shared it with a couple of my music classes.  They had no idea who I was talking about being in  Kindergarten through Sixth grade.

As I laid in bed that night.  I let out a happy sigh and started to think about my whole day and the Lord brought to mind my prayer in the car.  My discouraged, sad, pleading prayer to my Lord to lift me up because I couldn't anymore.  To give me a break in the sadness and despair.  To let me know that He was listening.  I started to cry.  Hard.  So thankful.

I know that my earthly happiness was never going to depend on if I ever met Kirk Cameron.  It wasn't that important.  People laugh and don't believe me but when I think about my meeting Kirk it really isn't about Kirk.   It was about the love that the Lord has for me.  When I hurt.  He cares.  When I'm in despair.  He hears.

I sang at a church the night his mom spoke at the same event.  I tried to share this story with her but as I got going I felt silly.  I hate it that I was "one of those girls."   I am thankful for their family and it is amazing to see how the Lord has used them all and brought their whole family to Himself.

 

Oh and...I love you Matt.  You are the only one for me!

Focus for the New Year 2013

I have been wanting to write this post for awhile.  I don't know if anyone believes I'm that good at writing down my thoughts but in this case, I struggle to get out the thoughts that are in my head.  As I'm still working through what I think, I am going to give it my best shot.  It seems fitting today because my 7 year old Ivy prayed a prayer to accept Christ this morning.  She has asked me a couple of times, telling me she is ready and I have quizzed her until her little heart has been frustrated.  Is my little girl who I have prayed for since before she was born truly making a decision to trust Christ with her whole life?  Time will tell but I can tell that God has softened her heart and she is sensitive to Him.  

Last year, my focus was or new year's resolution( whatever you want to call it) was to get into the Word and really know my bible.  It was a sweet time and I learned a lot but I felt halfway through the year, the Lord was starting to show me a different area in my life that I needed to address.

It is no secret how I love my new church.  I love the teaching of my pastor, the music, the people, but one of my favorites has been my Tuesday morning bible study group.  As we have talked , the Lord has renewed in my heart a new love for the gospel.  That is why I wrote that post a while back about being the way that I am.  You see,  I, like so many of my friends have been a Christian for a LONG time.  I feel like the longer I was a Christian, the more I read and knew God's word, the more I thought,"All you need to do is believe and you will also DO......"  I was adding all of these extra things.  I really began to struggle with the thought of just accepting Him for what HE did for ME.  I thought, "OK He died for me and I need to do...."  But I was taking away the gift of what Christ did.  I was believing that Christ died for me but I still was giving myself this list of to do's.  Now here is the part you might struggle with as a Christian. Once you become saved, God calls you to a godly life.  But you are going to fail at that life, we are all still sinners, Christ paid the debt for that on the cross and I need to be FREE in that.  I feel like the older we are in the faith, we let other "things" creep in as SO important.  We give it them the same importance as what Christ did for us.  We DO because we love Him and what He has DONE for us.  I focused more on what I was doing, what others weren't doing, instead of  focusing on what was done for me.

When we truly know what Christ has done for us, we want to live a godly life because He didn't deserve to die on the cross for our sins but He did it in our place and we are grateful.  Repenting of your sins is a response to what He did on the cross.

I will never forget one Sunday before we had communion.  We were sitting there and my pastor said, "If you are a Christian and you have doubted your salvation because you look at your life and see failure.  It's because you are looking at the wrong person.  You are looking at yourself and seeing failure instead of looking at Christ and that He took all of that and died for you."  I wanted to cry, the gracious Lord showing me yet again, how selfish I am to always be looking at me and not at what He did for me.  It's all about Him and what He has done!

Honestly, I don't even know if I'm making sense.  That is why this is the focus of my year.  I don't want a list of to do's.  I want to get back to the gospel.  I want to fall in love with Jesus and sit in the sweet spot of gratitude for what He has done for me.  It's not about me, it's all about Him.  I want to release the pressure, fall in love with Him more and just serve Him out of love.  I'm praying that my Ivy does the same.

Just Do....Today

I saw this quote today and I thought it was perfect to start the year with, especially after a day like yesterday.  You know one of those days where you are tired, lose your temper with your kids, etc.  Yes, well yesterday was worse than that.  I was tired and hormonal.  Can I just say that I feel more hormonal now than ever?  My mom might say my early teens were worse and maybe they were but I needed a good grounding spanking yesterday.  As a matter of fact, Matt got home and an hour into it, he sent me to my room.  Yep, he did.  And I went.  After the girls went to bed I went out to ask for his forgiveness (the girls too) and I started to cry.  He just stared at me.  He said nothing and just stared.  Ha ha.  I know that sometimes 3 girls are a lot and I am the biggest girl he has to deal with. I went to bed at 8pm and slept until almost 7am.  A NEW WOMAN.   (By the way,  I started my day today with a text to him telling him how much I love him and he WILL come home to a happy and peaceful home tonight.)

I started a new eating plan yesterday ( just eating as clean as I can and omitting all the sugar I can) and I did really good.  I had yummy meals, didn't count calories but defiantly ate less than usual.  When I get nervous about it I think "Just do today".  And today has been pretty good.

Matthew 6:34 " Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself."

Elliott Christmas Card 2012

                                           Here is our Christmas newsletter for the year 2012.

"Morning by Morning new mercies I see.  All I have needed Thy hand hath provided, Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto Me."

     Our family has thought about those words a lot over the last two years.  From where we started to where we ended up has been quite the wild adventure.  Watching God work, giving us all we have needed daily has been such a blessing.  For those of you who don't know all of the crazy details, here it is.
     Two years ago God began to stir in both of our hearts to leave California.  We began to pray about it and we were really being drawn to Tennessee.  We would look into it but not too much.  In April 2011,  Matt lost his job as a Purchasing Manager and while he applied for jobs everywhere he could, he applied a lot in Tennessee.  I still had my part time job at Legacy and the Lord faithfully provided for our needs.  We had decided to sell our home, someone bought it and we moved the week of Thanksgiving and lived with my sister Hollie for a month.  It was time to make some tough decisions.  As hard as it was, we decided to move to Washington the week of Christmas.  Both of our parents graciously wanted us (and of course their grandchildren!) but we felt like Matt would have a better chance getting a job closer to big cities such as Portland and Seattle.
     Matt continued looking for jobs immediately.  We were settling into nicely as part of the "big Elliott family".  At the beginning of January, Matt fell on a slippery ramp and broke his wrist.  With no health insurance, the Lord brought this extra trial into our lives.  Matt ended up having to have surgery to repair his wrist.  What do you do when you've lost your job, your home, your life as you knew it and you now need surgery?  You depend on Jesus all the more!  "All I have needed Thy hand hath provided." As of today, we have one more outstanding bill that has to be resolved and the rest is paid in full! " Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me."
     As summer was approaching, Matt and I were having heavy hearts.  Can I give a shout out to my wonderful husband?  He was faithful for 15 months to go after any job he could.  It made me love him even more.  We were getting ready to return to California for Hollie's wedding with no job in sight.  To say we were discouraged was an understatement.  We talked together of Tennessee and how we probably had to get used to the idea that we weren't ever going.
     Then the next day my friend Kelli told me of a job in Tennessee.  Matt applied, had a skype interview, flew to Nashville, GOT THE JOB and flew back in time to leave for Hollie's wedding.  We went back to Washington and five days later we were driving across the country to Spring Hill,Tennessee (about 25 miles south of Nashville). "Morning by morning new mercies I see."
     So what is Matt doing?  He is a manager for Waffle House restaurants.  In the south they are as common as Starbucks.  He works long hours but loves it!  He has never done anything like this before. All the locals love him (of course!).  The girls love going to visit, eat a waffle and tell everyone that their dad is behind the counter.
     What am I up to?  I am a stay at home mom loving and serving my family.  I meet women for lunch (I'm a Southern Lady who lunches!), I kiss Lucy all day, I am involved in a Women's bible study at church (cbcnashville.org), I help lead a group in a mentoring program for young adult women at church and I just started singing on the worship team.
     Ivy (6) is getting adjusted.  She started off 1st grade a little behind in some areas but she is finding her stride and is now where she needs to be.  After much persuasion (on her part) we let her ride the bus to and from school, which she loves.  She is making friends and loves church.
     Lucy (3) has quite the social life!  She goes with me to bible study and has her own class and then goes to preschool at our church on Thursdays.  She has a precious friend, Alli Peterson and I can't help but crack up hearing them talk like big kids.  She was a whiz at potty training, taking less than a week.  It was great having my assistant Ivy help me with that.
     Over the years, through many trials, I have thought about the Lord's faithfulness and love for my family.  Over the last few months here in Tennessee, I can't help but thank the Lord for His kindness.  We would have loved and served Him in California, Washington or Iowa, but oh how kind He was to give us Tennessee.  I still often cry out of just pure happiness.  Matt and I lay in bed and still say," I can't believe we live in Tennessee."
     Happy Birthday to the One who proves yet again to be faithful and true.

Love:  Matt, Kelli, Ivy and Lucy Elliott

40.

     Well, it finally happened.  I turned 40 this weekend.  Mixed emotions.  For the first time I was actually feeling...."old".  The night before I laid in bed and thanked the Lord for so many things as I thought about my life.
     I thought about growing up in a Christian home, my talks with dad and shopping with mom.  Always having a great fun youth group to go to.  Church and youth group were some of the best moments I had growing up.  My closest friends came from there.
     Working at Hidden Acres as a summer camp counselor.  My first taste of independence.  I loved those summers.
     Life changing experience.  Moving to California to go to the Master's College.  I became a different person there.  I grew so much and loved every minute of it.  I was so thankful that the Lord provided a way for me to go.  I think I never would have left Iowa if it were not for college.  I think of leaving for California as one of the most pivotal times in my life.  I knew one person when I started and God gave me so much more.
     Meeting and marrying Matt.  I don't even think I really knew who I was marrying.  He has proved to be so much more than I could have ever hoped for.  He is the man that you want to go through trials with.  He shows me more mercy and love than I have ever been given by any person.  He is steady and quietly strong.  I love him and he has changed me for the better.
    After college and marriage,  meeting the best girlfriends I could have ever asked for.  They have changed my life.  I love them so much.  They have been through many trials with me and have been so faithful.  I am not always an easy friend to stand by and they have done it.  They will be in my life forever.  I don't even have to name them.  They know who they are and I'm sure most of you know them too.
     Having Hollie live by us.  I loved living by my sister.  She was such an encouragement to me.  In my wants, hard times, and victories.  I'm still thanking the Lord for the ways that He has provided for her deepest desires. ( Holla Mrs. Jackson!)
     The birth and adoption of my baby girls.  A path I would have never chosen to go on.  So much waiting, disappointment and hurt.  But I really don't think there is a week that goes by that I don't thank the Lord for the life changing path he put Matt and I on.  I love adoption!  I'm blessed to be apart of it.  I am more thoughtful to others because of it.  The whole experience made me a better mom.  Those two girls have changed my life.  I'm more in love with Matt, watching him be a dad to those two beauties.
     Music.  I have so many wonderful memories, singing at different places.  God gives everyone gifts to use for Him.  I am humbled and thankful that He gave me so many opportunities to do something for Him that I love doing.  Do people still want 40 year olds to sing in church?  I hope so.  haha
     Church.  I have grown so much at the different churches God put me in.  I know there are people around the country and world who are growing on their own and don't have a good bible teaching church and good Christian fellowship.  I have had some great experiences.  I hope and pray I haven't wasted those experiences or taken them for granted.
     Legacy Christian Academy.  I worked as a music teacher for almost 15 years.  I don't think I really appreciated it until the last few years.  I always had fun there and will always be thankful that I had Christian bosses.  Any discussion we had always ended in prayer.  When I was hurting in my personal life, what boss would sit and pray with me as I cried?  I still have encouraging notes from him.  I'll always have many memories where he showed me grace in tough situations.
     Now moving to Tennessee.  I still can't believe he gave me the desire of our hearts and moved us here. AND I am a stay at home mom.
     My girls are young,  Matt has a new job, I am just getting to know people. I'm wondering what is coming next?  I'm praying that I'll be more faithful and obedient to Him.  That I'll grow more in love with Jesus.  That I'll have really good relationships with my girls.  The kind where they want to come to their mom about everything! The kind that grows into a good friendship in later years.  I pray that Matt and I will continue to be best friends.  That I will die to self and serve Him more.  He works so hard for His girls.  I pray I'll be used more in the church.  Build deep relationships here in Nashville.
     Maybe 40 isn't so bad.  You have lived long enough to reflect over your life so far but hopefully I'll have many more years to go.  Here's to the next 40!

Thoughts of a Stay at Home Mom

( See Number4)

Wow. With everything that has been going on in our family, I was thinking the other day, that in the midst of all of this hardship, God has answered a prayer of mine that I have wanted for over 6 years. While I have been so grateful for my job over the last 13 years, I have always wanted to stay at home with my children. The Lord has seen fit to answer my prayer in an unconventional way ( Matt being unemployed and us living with his parents). When I'm feeling down about our current station in life, the Lord quickly brings to my mind that I am now a stay at home mom.

Here are some observations I have made about how my life is different:

1. I have more time to think of my family's needs.

I have noticed that I spend more time thinking about each person in my family individually. How does Matt need my encouragement? What do I need to be teaching Ivy? What good discussions can we have about life? What have I been letting Lucy get away with because of her cuteness? haha What do I need to work on with her? I am thinking through my role in their life more because I have time to think about it!

2. Study the bible and really think about it.

I have always made time to read my bible, but I am noticing more that I think more about what I have been studying because I am not jumping up to get somewhere in a hurry. With Ivy in school, and Lucy taking a nap, I can easily spend a couple of hours in a good study. It has been so nice. My mind is way less busy!

3. My mind has slowed down.

This could be because I have no friends up here yet, it is raining or snowing so there is not much else to do but I have loved easing into a quieter life and taking time to THINK!

4. Pour into my kids more.

Plan for them. Whether it is taking time to work on Ivy's reading (which I need to do WAY more of) or cook with them, or plan a craft with them . I do more with them!

5. Pray for others more/ think of their needs.

I have thought of my friends and family and how I can be praying for them. I pray for them as I miss them and when the Lord brings them to my mind. I pray for their marriages, ministry, church,kids,etc. I pray for my friend who was just like me, wanting to be a stay at home mom and doing her best to try and do it all, working full time. (She knows that I am talking about her. xoxo)

6. Read more.

This helps when you live with your in laws and I am not cooking every night or cleaning by myself all the time. I have read great, godly books and books that I wish I could have gotten those hours of my life back. ha ha. But, I do read more and I am enjoying reading, laying in my warm bed, watching the rain or snow outside, looking over the mountains.

7. Women's bible study

I have never been part of a Women's bible study during the day. I go to one on Tuesday mornings and get to bring Lucy with me. The church is right down the street from Costco so we always stop for a hot dog on the way home. I did it to get out and meet people. This week was really nice.

I'm sure things will change a little when I have my own house again, and my kids are in more activities and I meet people. This part of change has been really good.

Digesting Truth

Ok. I have been struggling for the last month on my weigh loss journey. I don't LOVE to talk about it. As a matter of fact, every time lately someone tells me how good I look, I feel discouraged on the inside because I know that I am barely hanging on.

Here are the facts. I have lost 42 pounds but I have gained almost 4 back.....with in the last week. Granted, I just took a mini get away and I wouldn't be so discouraged but it had taken me a whole month to lose 3 pounds! And before you say that I have hit a plateau, I don't think that I have because I am not doing well in the self control department. I also REALLY hurt my knee this weekend. (It is actually a really funny story of how I did it....it involves me, my coordination...or lack there of, and trying to dance a little/ act out me on a treadmill). I haven't been able to get back to working out and I MIGHT need to see a DR. to make sure I didn't tear anything. ANYWAY, THAT IS OFF THE SUBJECT!

I have felt really off. Like all of these convictions I had are slowly fading away as I resort back to the way of eating I have lived for 38 years. OK, I was a preemie and skinny for a few years. I also started to notice other areas in my life where I had been working on self control start to lossen it's grip and relax. But, there was a little voice inside of my saying" NO,wait! I want to change! I want a life filled with holy self control! I don't want to give into this sin again!"

As I was ready to put my focus back, the Lord gave me a blog post today. It was by Lysa Terkeurst. You can read it on her blog but this is what spoke to me.

" How many people choose to ingest truth but never choose to digest it?..... Just taking the inspiration of truth but never being transformed by it, will lead us down a dangerous path of doubt. Doubting ourselves. Doubting God. Doubting the effectiveness of thruth. ...... Reading truth but not applying it. Like a message I hear at church but not living it. Knowing what I must do to experience life change but never putting it into action. Taking in knowledge but never letting it make a difference in my life."

I know what the truth is about my sin. I have been studying why/ how I have been sinning against God with food and my lack of self control in certain areas of my life. I know the lies I tell myself when I really want to eat something I shouldn't. I am so thankful to the Lord for that blog post today. I prayed for something to give me the desire to get back on track. In her book "Made to Crave" Lysa talks about this. There has to be something more than us wanting to lose weight to look good,etc. (insert your reason). Pretty soon the compliments fade, people will be used to the "skinny you", you will be done losing weight. So what will keep the weight off? It is the fact the your number one reason is to honor God with your body and in my case, honor God with my self control.

Does any of that make sense? I hope one day I can look back at these blog posts and say "Hallelujah! I have done it!" Or at least I might not struggle as much as I do now.

What are you struggling with? If you are a Christian and you know your struggling, what have you been studying in God's word to help you over come your sin? Are you digesting the truth or just ingesting it?

Psalm 51:6 " Behold you delight in the truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart."

Living a Conscious Life

From all of the emails I got and phone calls I recieved, I know I struck a chord with people when I talked about the book "Reshaping it All". I finished it this week. Boo Hoo. There are a couple of things that I want to write about. I am encouraged by what people have shared with me (even if they are too shy to leave a blog comment. Haha)

Matt and I were talking yesterday and he told me that he really sees a difference in me losing weight this time. I hope so. I think that I am not as focused on losing weight as I am thinking about it as a spiritual issue in my life. Matt and I have had so many major trials in our lives over the last couple of years....financial, losing Sissy, foster care, adopting Lucy... I kind of feel like the Lord has given us a little break in the hard knox department and I have decided to use this time to really work on me....from the inside out. I want to be used! I have been ministered to for so many years now and I am ready to minister!

I love what the Lord has been showing me as to what has been lacking in my life. One chapter in the book was talking about living a conscious life. When it gave a little survey on if you were living one or not, I COMPLETELY FAILED IT! Huge wake up call....huge!

Here are some of my shorthand notes. (Hope they make sense!)

Monitored Living= Conscious Living

1. be mindful of our actions (realize the excess we eat)

2. be alert ( better equipped to handle temptation)

3. be prepared (stick to wise eating and exercise)

Conscious Living involves:

1. choice (do it or not)

2. determination (work unto the Lord and not man, live healthy because my body is a temple.)

3. accountability (NOTHING is hidden from God)

MONITOR YOURSELF

How?

1. food journaling (record 1. what your eating 2. how much you are exercising 3. How much water you drink)

2. record bible reading

Conscious living transforms you (me) into a different person spiritualluy, mentally and physically.

Candace writes, " There comes a time when the plan we choose becomes ingrained in us. That's when the conscious living that we chose becomes habit, conviction and routine. It's a comforting phase to walk in because we're living a lifestyle instead of an outline of rules. We instinctively follow because our hearts have been trained. "

I can't wait for that day...when the decisions I am making now become such a part of my life that I don't even have to think about it. I am willing to put in the work. You can to if this is your struggle! Don't give up!

Stopped Running

Have you ever been running so hard that when you finally stop and listen to what the Lord is telling you, you are so ashamed and upset with yourself and feel so undeserving of His grace and mercy in your life? Well I do. I have been running for almost 2 weeks now.

Let me start by stating what I know about myself. I love to have a clean home, I like to cook, snuggle with my girls, take care of them when they are sick (they both have bad colds), check things off my to do list, I am NOT as flexible as I would like to be, I like to be comfortable in my little family of four. Well, the Lord flat out showed me that my family was to host 2 foster girls for 13 days. I am still in it. 3 days to go and it has been hard, uncomfortable and messy. Don't get me wrong. I have planned some wonderful things for all of the girls, from trips to the park, going out to dinner, new coloring supplies, gingerbread houses, baking, riding bikes,etc. But my spirit has been bad. I started to turn to complaining to all of my friends, etc...(don't want to rehash all of my complaining). Today I woke up early and although I have spent time with the Lord this week (in the midst of breaking up girl fights) I really spent time with Him and I feel like such a failure. I have shown these girls love, but I know I could have shown them so much more, I have shown them some symbol of patience but I could have been WAY more patient, I could have given more kisses and hugs, could have spent more time individually with each of them.

I think of bringing my gift to the alter, my gift of taking in 2 foster girls for 2 weeks and by my complaining spirit the Lord has thrown my sacrifice given to Him into the fire. It is burnt ashes to Him. Failure again. I wish I was different! I should be able to handle these situations from the Lord alot differently than I have. Here's another day, another chance to make a difference for the Lord and in 2 little girls lives.

Daniel is kicking my booty

This past year I was looking for a bible study. Not a theology book to read (which I love to read and will share some of those in a different post) but a bible study where I really studied a book of the bible. The Lord in His providence had me start with Esther. I asked my in laws for a Beth Moore study for Christmas and they got me Esther.

It was such a great study for me to do while we had court dates for Lucy, people would come out of the woodwork and want her, etc. That bible study gave me such comfort because I knew, from Esther's own life , that it didn't matter how bleak the situation looks, God's plan trumps anyone else's and what He decides is what will happen. When evil people are against God's people, He will take care of it. I was way more relaxed and trusting about Lucy learning these truths. God gave me that study at just the right time.

I saw some tweets from Candace Cameron Bure that she loved Beth Moore studies but Daniel was her favorite. I "tweeted" her about it and she said it was her favorite because of all the rich prophesy in it. After Esther, I started to tackle it next. WOW.....It is such a great study. There is so much in Daniel! I am learning so much! I love it! It is a lot to keep straight but I am continually thinking about what I have learned. I am in the middle of learning about the Antichrist. It is going to be so powerful that when Daniel finished seeing his vision ,the bible says,

"Here is the end of the matter. As for me, Daniel, my thoughts greatly alarmed me, and my color changed, but I kept the matter in my heart." Daniel 7: 28

Maybe someday I will tweet more about it , but I wanted you to know that I am really enjoying it. It is really challenging me!....Start with Esther, it is easier! Haha!

The other thing that I want to say is something about Beth Moore. I didn't know too much about her. I asked some older women from my church. They didn't know much but I took it as something that Grace Community and PBC had never endorsed any of her studies. I tried to "branch out", think for myself and try one. Apparently I like them or I wouldn't keep doing them. I am not endorsing Beth Moore (because I don't know enough about her other work) but I will say this. She has a passion to personally study God's word and really find out what it says. I have prayed that I would be just like her in that area. I will also say that in regards to the book of Daniel, I have gotten out my MacArthur study bible and they both basically agree about what is going to happen in future events.

I have chosen not to read her other books. There is one other bible study I want to do of hers but I probably won't read her other topical books. Why? Because there are so many other theological books that I want to read..... I might change my mind.

One argument that some people complain about her is that she teaches men. However, every bible study that I have done of hers is directed towards women.

Regardless, I have enjoyed my studies. I might not have agreed with her on every single thing but most of it I have and I would never come right out and say that she has been wrong in what I read. These studies have drawn me to my bible. There are 5 days in a week studies for a number of weeks so it really keeps you accountable to read.

What are you guys reading?