Thursday, September 30, 2010

One Sad Day

I thought that we were all doing really good since Sissy had left. I told people (which I still believe) that the Lord was really gracious to us and even though we were still sad, the three of us were moving on.

On this particular day, Ivy and I had had a really good day together. I was home from work and we had cleaned and played. I was sitting on my bed and Ivy came in and said (very a matter of fact) "I don't want you to be my mom." I said, "What?" she said it again....with no emotion. I said," Ivy, why would you say that? I love being your mom and that hurts my feelings." I started to act like I was about to cry to see if she would melt and say she didn't mean it but she still said it. The more we talked, I eventually did start to cry for real. She wasn't saying it in a mean way at all, she was just stating a fact. Finally, I told her to go sit on her bed and think about why she was saying that. She just walked to her room with no emotion, not angry, sad or anything.

Just then Matt called. I started to tell him about it and he wanted to talk to her. She kept saying it to him and then she fell apart and started crying saying," I don't want her to be my mom because I don't want to be adopted. I don't want to be adopted Dad." Let me tell you how scared I was. This was completely out of character. The girl LOVES being adopted. She gets presents on her Gotcha Day and she loves to celebrate it. She wouldn't stop crying so I told Matt that we needed to go. I just sat on the floor with her and hugged and kissed her. At first I tried explaining that she couldn't be adopted because she already was but she kept saying that she didn't want to be adopted over and over. Matt was so scared that he left work and came home and the 2 of us sat on the floor hugging and holding her , finally telling her that she didn't need to be adopted. I was so scared. We were probably on the floor for 45 minutes.

It scared me that all this time she had been carrying around this fear in her little 3 year old mind that she might leave us and be adopted. It broke my heart. I was so worried about her. I began to wonder what else she was thinking and didn't say. Later we explained to her that Sissy was never adopted and when you are you are with our family forever. We think she got it. I watched her more, took more time to explain things to her.

By the way, that night as I laid in bed with her, she told me that she was glad I was her mom. I was continullay praying that the Lord would continue to take care of us. We were getting ready for another bumpy, if not brief ride on this roller coaster of fost adopt. The Lord was getting ready to teach me another lesson....


  1. Kelli! Every. Time. I hear this story it brings tears to my eyes! You guys are AWESOME!

  2. I found your blog through my dear friend Kirra and just have to say thank you for writing all of this down for us. My husband and I definitely want to adopt, so it's really encouraging to hear your perspective - the ups, the downs, ALL of it. Can't wait for the next part!