There were actually times that we said yes but it didn't pan out. We didn't get too discouraged, trusting that the Lord had the right child for our family. We spent the whole summer waiting. I would say that we got a call every few weeks. Then I went back to school. It was my first day back. I had meetings all morning and during my lunch break the matcher called me, she said that she had a 3 month old baby girl. She told me the baby was caucasian and was born to a homeless mother. The birth dad was MIA. The birth mom was an addict and possibly bi- polar. I called Matt and had both phones going at the same time. (I NEVER made this decision without Matt. I didn't care if he made it without me but I wanted him to have the final say.) Matt and I decided to go for it. I left work early to prepare for the baby.
Let me interject here and tell you that no situation is EXACTLY how it is portrayed and this one was WAY off. Do I regret it? NO WAY. The matcher tells you exactly what DCFS has told them the situation is but there is always more to the story and in this case , they had it all wrong. Also, remember that they need to find a home for these kids by the end of the day. Once it is decided that these kids are taken away from their family or whoever, they need a home to go to so a lot of times they make the situation sound really good.
OK....so remember what they had told me about the baby and situation? Well...the social worker called me and said she was here. I walked out to meet her at the car and she said," You have a little pumpkin on your hands." When she got the baby out she was the most beautiful African American baby. I thought,"Did she go to the right place?" The most priceless face of the whole evening was when I turned the corner with the baby to show Matt and Ivy and Matt's eyes bugged out of his head. hahaha! They didn't even have the race of the baby right!
That didn't matter to us but what did matter was that she was not the baby of a homeless girl but the baby had been living with her grandparents this whole time and something in the home made it not safe for the baby to be there. As more facts came out we realized that these grandparents very much wanted their grandbaby back. That is not the situation we signed up for! However, we both felt like we had made the right decision with the facts we were given. Yes, we could have given her back but she needed us, I think her grandparents needed us, I knew that our home would be a better home for her and I was praying that she was going to be ours.
This was the start of 9 long months. I would not be the same woman, Christian and mother after these 9 months. Ivy would not be the same little girl and Matt would change too. This was the start of a few examples during this time period where I just frankly don't understand what God was doing. Yes, if this situation or another would have worked out then I probably wouldn't have Lucy but I met pain like I never thought I would feel. I had questions for the Lord that were left unanswered.....so what do you do? I decided to trust Him, to cling to Him when it hurt so bad, I decided to let go of the why. Did I believe He had a plan for my life or not? Did I believe that He had my good in mind with every situation? If the answer was yes then I had to let go, and I did. I am not extra spiritual He brought me to my knees with nothing else to comfort me but Him.
When you think about it, God let His Son die on the cross for our sins and it hurt Him to watch but it needed to happen. I felt that when I was hurting so bad, He was hurting for me too but He knew I had to go through it. That is His faithfulness. The journey is to be continued....