Two

Wendy told me that I was crazy! Matt and I had waited and around the end of May we were ready to move on. We stuck to our original plan of 1-2 kids. Wendy said I could only handle one, but I said I thought I could definately do 2. We had said no to a couple of situations and then we got a call for a 2 year old girl and a 2 week old boy. There was a drug bust at the house and the kids were home.

Matt and I went down to pick the kids up. ( D and I) D. was the 2 year old little girl with bouncing curls everywhere and I. was a sleeping 2 week old baby boy. I don't think that D. understood a lot of english and just stared at me alot. When we got to the DCFS office they told us that the parents wanted the kids but they didn't think they had a chance of getting them. I immediately got nervous, they said that we didn't need to take them. Matt and I looked at each other. Well.....these kids needed a home and we weren't going to leave them here at 7pm at an office in downtown LA!

We ended up having them for 2 weeks and it was a LONG two weeks. D. slept with me and would cry in the middle of the night. Matt slept downstairs with I. to feed him in the middle of the night. I had to take them to some visits with thier birthparents. D. would scream as I pryed her away from her dad. I cried a lot. Ivy and I didn't have the best relationship during that time. Everything that had been hers, she was now sharing with another girl. My patience level was running on empty.

I prayed alot during this time. Here I was with 3 kids and I didn't know if 2 of them were mine. or not. It was ruining my relationship with Ivy fast! I knew that we would NEVER give any kids back so I was like, "Lord, if this is my life I am going to fight to make the best of it and I know it will get easier." I don't know how to explain it but I never felt like those 2 were mine. I didn't cry when they left (they went to their sister's house) but I felt bad again that these 2 kids were going back to the same environment.

I learned alot from those 2 weeks like it might be better to have kids that were alot younger than Ivy, so that she was still the top dog....even one might be nice :) I learned more about myself. I wish that I was the type a person that took in tons of kids and thought the more the merrier. I thought that I was selfish if I wasn't like that but the truth is I need to be a good steward to who I know is mine for sure and that was Ivy. I am not the most patient person and I need to create an environment that brings the most peace to my home. I am not the care free whatever happends to my home is Ok but I create order and structure. I hope that makes sense. Wendy could see it in me. I just wanted to be a mom again. I felt like blurring the lines to achieve what I wanted was kind of OK. But God wanted my best.

I had one more thing to work through before the Lord would grant me the desire of my heart. Enter Katie Davis......