Ivy was REALLY excited to see us when we walked in the door with the baby. Hollie said that she fell apart when she picked her up from Wendy's. I had told her Hollie was going to get her but ,again, in her little 3 year old mind she thought that when we didn't pick her up was because we were adopting someone else and so we weren't coming back to get her. KILL ME! I HATED that she felt that way and I reassured her every chance that I could. We never told her that we were going to adopt this baby or this baby would be her sister. We told her we would pray about it and ask God if she could stay. The only thing that made me feel better was knowing that she would forget all about that someday.
I was fighting the urge to know more about this supposed aunt that had adopted the last baby and it made me not want to give my whole heart to this baby. I just looked at her wondering if she was going to stay. If she did stay, I didn't want to regret not having moments with her but if she left, I kind of had a wall up. I was willing to do either. I could feel my weariness setting in. Weariness with all these kids coming through our house, weariness in watching Ivy, the toll on Matt and I. I had to deal with some things at work where God was showing me some sin in my life and I was dealing with that...and I was tired. This was going to be the year of just hanging on. But... along the way God gave me things that encouraged my heart so much and one of the biggest ones helped me bond more with Lucy. "L." entered the picture. She shed light on our situation with Lucy and gave us major hope that she would be ours. Only God could have orchastrated the next events taking place. It was a huge reminder that God is so awesome that we couldn't even dream up the events like He had them playing out.