Friday, September 20, 2013

The Journey Continues....

I feel like I need to write more often to let people know how we are doing.  Matt is doing really good.  The Dr. said that he is taking everything (medicine wise) really good and responding well.  He had a spinal tap last week that showed no leukemia in his spinal fluid!  I have noticed that he is tired more and he had a hard time sleeping last night because of tingles in his legs.  I had a really good day with him and we laughed ALOT!  Our favorite nurse was working and Matt told the whole team of Dr.'s that she had not been tending to him all morning!  You should have seen her face!  She had actually been in a lot.  All the Dr.s were laughing....Oh Matt!

The Lord showed us that He is watching over our needs.  We had three visitors from Matt's work and they told us that he had a couple bonuses coming that we didn't know about and they had also taken a collection from all of the fellow managers and some customers.  I think I am going to have enough money to pay our bills next month!  We are working to apply for some disability and that will take some time.  I feel like the Lord wants me to depend daily for our needs and to watch Him work.  Matt will be out of work for at least a year.  I remind myself that the Lord already knew that, He allowed it, and while I freaked out at first.... and don't get me wrong, I still fight the urge to freak out.  I am working hard to loosen my grip and let the Lord do His will.  I am finding more answers than I knew before and I am trying to just focus on Matt and the girls and let the Lord do the rest.

Lucy got a bad cold this week and I still pushed her and that resulted in her and I missing both days of preschool this week.  It was rest we both needed and I tried to use my time wisely and get things done.  Matt's parents are here to see him and they watched Lucy today so I could spend the day with him.

Here are some thoughts from the week......

It is so funny to be going through something terrible yet feel so much blessing.

First my love for Matt.  I told Ivy yesterday that I love her daddy more now than I ever have.  He is my best friend.  When we go through a trial, we just get better.  I love him so much and how much he tells me that he is going to fight for his three girls.  I start to cry every time I say goodbye to Him at the hospital. I don't know how different he is going to feel when I return.  Today he told me how much he loved me and I felt it.  He told me that he watches me out the window walk to my car and today I stopped across the street and turned and waved at the hospital.  I didn't even know what window it was but he saw me.  I might have felt a tad stupid but I wanted to wave one more time.  #iluvmatt

I am overwhelmed by the love of my friends and the body of Christ.  Our family feels so loved by packages, texts, letters, facebook messages.  I can't believe how you can be scared and broken hearted and yet feel so loved and lifted up at the same time.  #iluvmyfriendsandfamily

The Lord knew what He was doing giving me Ivy and Lucy. They are so different but I need them both! Ivy is so tenderhearted.  There have been times when I have started to pray with them at night and I just fall apart.  I cry HARD and Ivy rubs my back telling me that sometimes it's good to let your body cry.  We cry as I try to point her to Christ.  He is the One we cry out to.  He is the great Healer for our daddy.  We beg Him through tears together.  My friend Ashley says that when you cry in front of your kids, they see who you are turning to in times of heartache.  I've done that with Ivy (although I try not to cry in front of her too much.)  Then there is Lulu.  Man.  She has been my source of laughter and entertainment.  I swear she is getting a southern accent and she is as funny as ever.  She has times where she sincerely tells me that she misses her daddy.  I agree with her and we keep going.

So...the journey continues.  I feel like a rambled long but my thoughts are endless.

Psalm 34:18 " The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

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