Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I'm a complainer.

     I can't seem to get these thoughts out of my head today.  After reading various comments on Facebook on how moms are fed up with their kids I finally said something.  For the record,  I am sure I have put up the same kind of message up for the world to see so I am not coming out and preaching to everyone something that I haven't preached to myself many times.  I am no better than you, however, the Lord has convicted my heart on this area many times.
     I think I am a huge complainer...or used to be...or sinfully, want to be.  It is allergy season for me and if your my friend you know that in the fall I can be a hermit, not going outside to sniff the pollen.  The other day, my allergy attack was in full force and you did not want to get in my way!  If I don't feel good...I'll alter the saying, "If mama don't feel good we all will suffer".  I think Matt was running out the door for work just to get away from me.  All that to say, I can be a complainer too.
      I think the Lord has made me go through some experiences to teach me how grateful I should be.  I remember struggling with infertility issues and I would go places (sadly, church was the worst) and everybody was complaining about their kids.  I wanted to be a mom so bad and these women had what I wanted and were so ungrateful for it.  I'm not talking the occasional outburst to get out your frustration before your top blows (although we do need to be careful, we are only human) but there are alot of women who complain about their kids so much that they don't even know they do it.  Or they think it's funny.  Their kids are the butt of their jokes.  Sadly,  I would have given almost anything to have what they had.  I also thought that I would have been just like them if the Lord did not have me wait so long.
     I have one child, that we are like oil and water many times.  She can set me off fast.  I HATE that about myself!  I HATE it!  I pray about it all the time.  I often think, what if something would happen to her and I look back on our relationship and all I can think of is all the times that I bossed her around, lost my temper, gave out orders, and "gave it to her" when she disobeyed.  I would never forgive myself.
     This is also the first time in my life where I haven't been a working mom.  I remember having to leave Ivy to go to work and I longed to be home with her.  I would read comments where moms would write, "get me out of here!"  Again,  God showed me that if that day ever came where I was a stay at home mom, I needed to get my attitude in order.  I have a working friend who longs to be a stay at home mommy and I wouldn't DARE complain to her, she would trade me in a heartbeat!
     The funny thing is, as I am writing this post and ALL morning, Lucy has been hanging on me.  I can't get very much done.  She loves to be by my side.  I got out toys for her and everything and she just wants to hang on me.  As she was starting to hang on me and I was getting frustrated, I was saying all of these things to myself.
     I know it is different when kids are older,  I have a first grader who is just starting to pick things up she has learned at school, making me what to wave my finger " Oh no you didn't!"  I know this is just the tip of the iceberg.  But this is exactly why we need to remind ourselves what a precious gift our children are!  They are a blessing.  They could be gone in an instant!  Psalm 127 says, " Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.  Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.  Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them."
     I am not trying to be holier than thou.  This is such a struggle for me, but let's encourage each other and remind each other of the blessings we have.  This will convict my own heart. Even today.  Probably at 3:55pm to be exact when the bus rolls in.  Haha.  I'm thankful that the Lord has placed this on my heart today so that I can remind  myself all day.
     Philippians 2:14-15 " Do all things without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe."


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