Release

I know people have been waiting for updates.  I just haven't known what to write.  I could write a blog post about how tired I am or how selfish I am. (wink) People ask me how I'm doing and I say fine, because for the most part I am.  Then when things slow down and I have a minute, or I'm at church and we sing a certain song and I am still long enough to focus on the words, that's when I get a lump in my throat and I fight the tears.  I think I finally said it best today while texting with a friend and I was cleaning, disinfecting everything and I was starting to cry.  I wrote," The problem is , I don't know which part of all of this I am crying about."

For those of you who are not on instagram or Facebook, Lucy got the flu and Matt got a high temperature which put him back in the hospital.  His treatment is postponed until next week and they are going to keep him overnight and then re evaluate.  Lucy has eaten twice now without throwing up so she might be getting better.  Ivy was asked to go to the movies and lunch this afternoon so I think that makes up for the fact that Lucy was sleeping with her last night and got sick in HER bed.

How am I doing?  I'm tired ya'll.  My friend told me last week that one of the reasons all of this is such a shock to me is that Matt is a great daddy and husband and has always helped me a lot.  While that wasn't the case last year because of his work schedule, I've  had a lot of help from Matt the last 7 years of parenting.  He would help give a quick bath or do some dishes.  Now I am solo, plus adding doing everything for him on top of it.  And having  work and other outside activities. Don't get me wrong.  I love doing it for him (most of the time…another wink).  I have even thanked the Lord for this opportunity to learn to serve my family better, serve Matt, think more outside myself…. but that doesn't mean it's easy.  I definitely have had to work at giving myself an attitude adjustment at times and just give it all to the Lord to gain the right perspective.

Before you say…."Aren't you concerned about Matt and his health?"  Yes, I am.  But I know he can be doing much worse.  I try to take care of him and if I even see him struggling to stay awake or take his temperature I am there waiting to see the result.  I seem to have one eye on what I'm doing and one eye on him.  But I constantly remind him that we could be in a much worse situation and we need to be thanking the Lord for how well Matt has been doing.  As much as I want him home tonight, I do feel safe with him at the hospital being monitored and getting more meds, away from all of our germs.

This basket of goodies on my doorstep this afternoon.

I sound like a broken record when I say I am so thankful for my friends.  Texts this morning offering to take Ivy and Lucy for me this afternoon.  I finally let Ivy go to the movies with a friend and then I had these goodies at the door for Lucy and I.  I cleaned the whole apartment so I can rest this afternoon from being up all night with Lucy.  ( Can I just say,  I complain about living in an apartment until I have to really clean it.  Then 1000 sq ft. isn't so bad.)  I'm thankful for the example of others.  I think of my friend Jan, in the own trial, she has focused her mind on Christ and has looked to Him to be the ultimate comforter.  I think of my mom and all that she has been enduring trying to sell their house, take care of my dad, work full time.  I will not forget her words this summer as I didn't want to leave her and go home and she said, " You can go, I have Jesus."  

I was praying really hard for this sweet lady from our church this weekend who was in a coma.  I prayed for her all day on Friday and Friday she woke up.  I pictured smoke rising to heaven, an offering  in the form of prayers to God from His people.  So pleasing to Him, that His children would turn to Him for requests concerning our dear sister.  This morning as I knew people were praying for Matt I thought the same thing.  How pleased the Lord is that we all turn to Him and make our requests known.  I'm so thankful that He has even given us that relationship to Him.

I'm actually looking forward to getting into bed this afternoon.  Listening to good music, spending time with the Lord and letting the tears flow and just RELEASE.  Keep praying!