The Heart Wants what it Wants

     As I should be studying John for an upcoming lecture,  I am thankful to the Lord that He has taken me to Philippians.  I have been in a funk the last couple of days.  It could be that I have been sick but also I have really been asking the Lord for some things and frankly, He has not answered in the timely manner that I would like.  I begged Him yesterday for some answers and He remained silent.  Normally I wouldn't mind sharing with y'all the desires of my heart but I know it would turn into…"You and Matt deserve it with all you've been through." or  " I totally understand."
     As I was reading through Philippians today Paul writes,

"Indeed, I count everything as loss, because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." 

 I just looked at that and thought…"But the heart wants what it wants….. and it wants!"  Really,  I want to say that I count everything as loss but I don't.  I "want" bad.  Yesterday I read in Philippians 2:13

"For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." 

 That verse tells me two things.  One,  it is God who does the work in me.  I can't do it.  My heart is sinful and selfish so I need Him.  But secondly, it tells me that the work is for HIS good pleasure.  Not mine.  His ultimate will will be done in my life to accomplish His purpose.  As much as that hurts sometimes, I get it.  Philippians 2:5  says why.  So that "you shine as lights in the world." Frankly, most times we shine brighter through trials than we do with out them.  I have had more conversations with people going through hard times because of the hard times I have been through.
     So how does God do that work in me?  verse 16 says,"Holding fast to the Word of Life."  I have to cling to Him.  Be in God's word so that He can comfort me.  Abide in Him.  Let Him transform my heart and mind. Even when it stings and I have this internal struggle.
     Yet, if you think He doesn't care, Paul reminds us in 4:19

"And My God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

Not every want but every need.  And sometimes we get mixed up what we want and what we need.  My heart wants what it wants….and it wants…but clinging to my Savior with hope that He will turn those wants into something similar to His.

"O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander,Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for They courts above."

2015 The Best Year Yet?

Happy New Year everyone!  I have spent sometime reflecting on 2014 and thinking about the new  year…..like everyone else.  2014 gave us some highs and lows.  The biggest high was Matt's leukemia being in remission.  We got our daddy and husband back.  He has regained strength and has been able to start doing things with us as a family, church, soccer games and friends.  We have LOVED it.  He is in year two of his (hopefully) 3 year treatment.  His dr. visits are now limited to 2 a month and he just  got the OK to start looking for a job. 

2014 was also tough.  I lost my dad and grandma a month apart.  My dad's illness was rough for a while before he passed away and I still think about all that that entails but I do believe that my dad believed the gospel and is in heaven.  My grandma (his mom)  loved the Lord and after my dad died, her whole immediate family was gone and she just wanted to get to heaven to be with them.  My grandma was a prayer warrior and sometimes I thought the Lord kept her alive specifically so that we would continue to be prayed for.  I'm so happy that they are together and I'm thankful for the hope we have in heaven to see them again.  My mom has taken care of them for so long that now that they are gone, there is a void for sure.  I'm praying for my mom's grief, and her future decisions.  

This marked Lucy's first season of soccer.  While her games were…..entertaining as the "Cotton Candy Girls", Ivy's team was more competitive and this mama loved it!  I have thanked the girls for playing soccer for me.(wink) I'm waiting for them to tell me to get out on the field and "do it myself"  as I call out some "helpful instruction". (No matter that I have never played the sport before in my life! haha)

I have read so many comments that 2015 is going to be the best year yet.  Some people have struggled through trials, breakups, job loss, sickness, devastation in the year 2014, and as I want to say that for the Elliott's I hope that this is our best year yet, I can't do it.  Why?  Because I have learned after all these years that life is hard, trials come, sickness comes, death is real.

 Listen, I want Matt to get a job this year that can support our family, I NEED to lose weight, I want a breath of fresh air from hardship, I have vowed to take better care of my 42 year old skin and body.
But really, whatever the year brings, I want to cling to Jesus.  I want to study Him to know Him better. Less head knowledge, more heart.  Enter into a deeper relationship because I know that whatever 2015 brings, I'm going to need Him.

This year brought a lot I'm thankful for.  I saw my husband crawl back from being at death's door, the Lord financially took care of our needs.  I've made deeper friendships in Tennessee.  I enjoyed my girls.    My dad met Jesus face to face!

I struggle with a lot of material wants.  I can yell out how I think apartment living is not for me. :)  There are some stores I could live at.  But I am starting to see that my happiness and contentment has nothing to do with things and places (as much as I think they do)  and it's more to do with Him.  I hope that on paper that this is our best year yet but if it's not.  I choose Him.  Whatever we are going to go through, I'll go with Him and the 3 other people He has blessed me with.  Here's to see what 2015 brings…bring it on!

Reminders of how much my husband loves me

This summer was such an answered prayer.  Matt was told that his leukemia is in remission.  He has gained a lot of his strength back, energy, has gotten to come to church and soccer games with our family.  We have had get togethers with other families, a couple of date nights, company from out of town, pool days and days where we had absolutely nothing to do….. exactly the kind of days we were looking forward to.  He has two more years of treatment but (hopefully) the worst is behind us.

Since I started teaching a few biblestudy lessons at church for our women's biblestudy, I have not taken the time to read a lot of other books, especially fiction.  There is one series, however, that I wanted to read and I waited until summer to do it.  It was a 5 book series and I knew that I would be hooked so I waited until my library had all 5 books.  This week was the week and I told myself (and Matt) that I was going to go hard on all five books and give myself a week of self indulgence and get it all done in one week.  The stories were about a Christian family with 5 kids and all 5 books took a different kid and focused all that kids' life.  I got really hooked!  Soon after, I HAD to talk about these people's lives with someone and well….Matt is always around.

Our conversation went something like this……
Me: " Matt,  I know you will think I'm dumb and you don't want to do this but I need to talk about this family with someone."
Matt: "No, it's not going to be me."
Me: (laughing and urging) "  Matt, Some of the decisions they are making are so wrong and if I could just tell you about it."
Matt:  " Ya,  I don't want to do this."  ( I could see him wishing for a job or a place to go…)

(Later in the car on the way to the fair)
Me:  "  I can't get this out of my mind."
Matt: (holding his breath and then slowly letting it out….I'm starting to laugh because I feel like I'm writing a book now.  hahaha)  "OK, what is going on?"

(We spend the rest of the ride to the fair while I pour my heart and opinions out to him about this family where he just nods his head in response.  We get to the fair and I thank him.)

(Next day he walks in the room and I'm crying)
Me: "The mom died."
Matt: "I'm sorry babe.  That's sad…… are the books done?"
Me: "Yes, but I found out it leads into a different series."

And that my friends is how much Matt loves me!

Then There Were None (Romans 3:22-24)

I have written before about my favorite sermon by my Pastor, Byron Yawn.  I have been wanting to post another favorite, must listen to sermon and then BAM!  He preached another great one on Sunday so I have to hurry and put this one up.  He has been going through Romans and you would benefit to go to the  Community Bible Church website and listen to the "Then There Were None" series.  This sermon I am posting is part 6 of that series.  I left that day overwhelmed by grace.  I wanted to cry as I left, overwhelmed by Jesus.  I'm so thankful for my friend who loves Jesus and loves His church.  Enjoy! 

Trim Healthy Mama

I have wanted to write about this book/diet I have (halfway started). It's called "Trim Healthy Mama". I read the book once but they say to read it 2-3 times to really start to understand the concept.  I have Facebook stalked the THM group and saw so many testimonials on how this diet had worked for people.  The first week I tried it I lost 5 pounds in a week!  Then I started cheating…… but I am back on the bandwagon.  I highly encourage you to look it up for yourself since, frankly, I am terrible at explaining it!  Here is an excerpt from the book:

"The two primary fuel sources for the body are glucose and fats.  It is crucial that protein be included in every meal, but it is not a primary fuel for the body.  Once you focus your meal on one fuel source at a time, your body will be able to burn through that fuel, and then switch directly to the task of burning your own adipose tissue (body fat) for fuel.  Results?  Natural weight loss."

There are two types of meals that you eat.  An Energizing meal. (E meal)  That meal is Higher on good carbs and low fats.  Then there is a Satisfying meal. (S meal).  That meal is Lower in carbs but higher in fats.  Both meals you are always adding protein.  The book is thick with information, recipes and food lists.  I have had some AMAZING meals and I will try to start posting recipes. You can eat whichever type of meal that you want but if you are going to switch to the other type (E to S or S to E) then you need to wait 3 hours so that your body can be digested and ready to switch.  For me, the S meals are so easy and delicious so I usually have that for breakfast and dinner and put an E meal to give me energy for lunch.

I'm going to start with a drink recipe that is not in the book ( I couldn't find it) but it is on the website.  I made it and when I saw the ingredients I was SCARED!  haha  I didn't want to take a drink but when I did, it was so good!  I just drank a Quart in about two and half hours. It's really good for you and it is better to make this then diet soda or juice.  Give it a try!  Do it!  Tell me what you think!

Good Girls Moon Shine

Ingredients:
1-2 Tbs. raw, Apple Cider Vinegar (try to find one with the mother included)  I bought Braggs brand   (I heard that makes a huge difference)
1 tsp. ginger powder (ground ginger)
2-4 mini spoonfuls of Stevia Extract
water
ice

Instructions:
1.Fill a Quart Sized jar with water and ice.
2.Add raw apple cider, ginger powder and sweetener
3.Stir well and enjoy!

A Letter to My Mom

Mom,  Happy Mother's Day ( a day early).  I wish that I could be with you tomorrow.  Maybe more than any other year, or at least the ones I remember.  The countless times during this hard year where you called to ask if I needed you to come to Tennessee.  It's been a hard year for our whole family.  The Elliott's, the Gorsh's, the Jackson's and yet the Lord has had us away from each other.  My friend said that it could be that the Lord wants us all to rely on Him.  Depend on Him instead of each other.  It has been such a blessing to see you do that.  You have been pulled in so many different directions with working, and dad's health and Grandma's health.  Being in Cedar Rapids,  at times wanting to be with Hollie and other times wanting to be with me.  Feeling like your girls needed their mom at different times this year but yet none of us were together.  So we all just continued to hope and trust and it has been my joy to watch my mama trust in the Lord.  Your faith has grown.  I remember crying on the phone, wishing we were together and you telling me, "We have Jesus.  He is enough."  Man, how we all go back and forth, feeling like we need each other and knowing that all we need is Him.

Mom, you've always been a hard worker.  You have always given to your family.  Memories make me laugh like how you used to peek through the door crack to listen to my conversations with Hollie, how you got up and sang karaoke at Becca's bachelorette party, how you would have to put on full makeup to go to Target, how much you love and enjoy your grandkids and how no one has more bath/beauty products in their bathroom than you do! :)  

I've learned things from you.  I can't relax fully until my house is clean.  When I see an overweight person running on the side of the road I say quietly out loud, " You can do it.  Good for you."  Even though they can't hear me.  Do you know you used to say that?   But the things that I have learned the most from you this year is how to serve my family and how to depend on Jesus.

Life isn't always easy or fun or what we want.  Life is hard sometimes but when it's hard I am learning that that's when your kids watch you the most.  I'm watching you mom and I like what I see.  Happy Mother's Day.  I love you! xoxo

Parentology

My morning with Lucy as already gone different than many mornings before.  I will be the first to admit, I was way more intentional in my parenting of a toddler with Ivy than I am with Lucy.  Especially with Matt being sick, sometimes I just run Lucy along, quick discipline her behavior and keep running.  Last night our pastor, Byron( cbcnashville.org) gave a great talk on Parenting.  It had so many great reminders.  So…it didn't take long this morning for Lucy to get upset when I told her that it was time to turn off the TV and play with toys (rough life of a four year old).  She went to her room, she got punished and then we had a nice talk.  About Jesus.  About us and our sin.  About how much God loves us and why He sent Jesus.  About how our sin breaks our relationship with God and how He sent someone to fix it.  It's day by day baby steps.  As I sat there last night I realized in a year and a half Lucy is in school.  Away from me for 8 hours a day.  I need to seize the time.

You can get on the church website and listen to his lecture but I know that most people won't do that so I am giving you my notes.  I'm not going to add any explanation because it speaks for itself and you can think it through.  Knowing that this time with my kids goes fast, I am thankful that it is not over yet.

Parentology:

1.  Don't place your faith in your parenting.  (their faith outcome)
2.  Don't place your self worth/identity in how your children behave in public (it's all law/no grace) That makes it about you and not your kids.
3. Don't expect the church to fix, save, to correct your children.
4.  Don't forget that much of your children's behavior is from imitation. (the one most like you is who you tend to struggle with the most)
5. Don't make the mistake of giving your kids the impression that they are a project to fix. (that they are a burden)
6. Assume that your kids are going to struggle.

GOAL OF PARENTING- To introduce your children to Christ (and their need for Christ)
Functional goal- Creating a home where your kids are allowed to struggle with sin.  Where I can correct.  Allow them to grow as people.

You don't have a lot of time with your kids so there needs to be primarily LOVE.
You want your kids to give you their hearts.  You want your kids to come to you for advice.

Advice to parents with toddlers-WIN haha!
DISCIPLINE and STRUCTURE  Kids thrive on that.

You don't want to make your parenting where they think God is an unsatisfied Judge instead of a loving Father.

In spanking.  Tell your kids why they are sinning through scripture.  GRACE!

The biggest mistake in parenting is the absence of grace.  Make a distinction between law and grace.  Rules of the home are an extension from God's law.  They point their need for God and for their protection.  Your kids need to know that they will never truly satisfy the law.  Only Christ has done that.

Most kids think that they will only be accepted if they obey the rules.  True Christian parenting is your unending acceptance of them.  You discipline BECAUSE you love and accept them.

Most of the time,  when a toddler is out of control, the dad has been absent in discipline.  Dad needs to step up.  A father's role is essential.

Most of their kids rebel against their parents because the only get attention they get is when they get chastisement.

Don't punish out of irritation, anger or frustration.

Don't confuse mistakes and disobedience.

Recognize the difference in your children.  Observe…Dads be involved!

Don't give unreasonable demands.

Be unified as parents when it comes to discipline.

Focus most your attention on rules that affect the heart.

1.  (example: lying, deception) "If you tell me the truth, I will respond in grace."
2.(example: tone and volume)  How you talk to each other.  No screaming, no stomped feet.  Reinforcing self control.
3.  You need to submit to the same rules. (as parents)
4. No threats in dicipline.  You have to follow through.
5. You don't only have to have devotions at scheduled moments.
6.  Have a home of joy ( do fun and crazy stuff)
7.  Pay attention to hearts and person more than behavior.
8.  Praise them more than correct them.  Praise them for more than their behavior…who they are, their talents.
9.  Give them a lot of affection.