moment4milk

Woodland

2012-02-02T16:22:00.000-08:00

We went for a drive after school this afternoon. Here are some pictures of our little town on a rare sunny day.

A Christmas Tree Farm
Berry Farm

I love red barns!

Thoughts of a Stay at Home Mom

2012-01-25T13:59:00.000-08:00

( See Number4)

Wow. With everything that has been going on in our family, I was thinking the other day, that in the midst of all of this hardship, God has answered a prayer of mine that I have wanted for over 6 years. While I have been so grateful for my job over the last 13 years, I have always wanted to stay at home with my children. The Lord has seen fit to answer my prayer in an unconventional way ( Matt being unemployed and us living with his parents). When I'm feeling down about our current station in life, the Lord quickly brings to my mind that I am now a stay at home mom.

Here are some observations I have made about how my life is different:

1. I have more time to think of my family's needs.

I have noticed that I spend more time thinking about each person in my family individually. How does Matt need my encouragement? What do I need to be teaching Ivy? What good discussions can we have about life? What have I been letting Lucy get away with because of her cuteness? haha What do I need to work on with her? I am thinking through my role in their life more because I have time to think about it!

2. Study the bible and really think about it.

I have always made time to read my bible, but I am noticing more that I think more about what I have been studying because I am not jumping up to get somewhere in a hurry. With Ivy in school, and Lucy taking a nap, I can easily spend a couple of hours in a good study. It has been so nice. My mind is way less busy!

3. My mind has slowed down.

This could be because I have no friends up here yet, it is raining or snowing so there is not much else to do but I have loved easing into a quieter life and taking time to THINK!

4. Pour into my kids more.

Plan for them. Whether it is taking time to work on Ivy's reading (which I need to do WAY more of) or cook with them, or plan a craft with them . I do more with them!

5. Pray for others more/ think of their needs.

I have thought of my friends and family and how I can be praying for them. I pray for them as I miss them and when the Lord brings them to my mind. I pray for their marriages, ministry, church,kids,etc. I pray for my friend who was just like me, wanting to be a stay at home mom and doing her best to try and do it all, working full time. (She knows that I am talking about her. xoxo)

6. Read more.

This helps when you live with your in laws and I am not cooking every night or cleaning by myself all the time. I have read great, godly books and books that I wish I could have gotten those hours of my life back. ha ha. But, I do read more and I am enjoying reading, laying in my warm bed, watching the rain or snow outside, looking over the mountains.

7. Women's bible study

I have never been part of a Women's bible study during the day. I go to one on Tuesday mornings and get to bring Lucy with me. The church is right down the street from Costco so we always stop for a hot dog on the way home. I did it to get out and meet people. This week was really nice.

I'm sure things will change a little when I have my own house again, and my kids are in more activities and I meet people. This part of change has been really good.

Breakfast with Lulu

2012-01-24T18:37:00.000-08:00

We were getting to bible study a little early and there just happens to be a Krispy Kreme down the street. Had to stop in with my Little Lu. I have never seen her eat a donut so fast! She loves donuts like her Momma. (By the way, I ordered one for her and then one for me. The guy took too long getting them so when he got back, I told him to throw another one on there....I know...I'm sad.)

Count it all Joy

2012-01-15T10:23:00.000-08:00

As I am studying the book of James here are some insights that I read today.

James 1:2-4 " Count it all joy, my brothers,

when you meet trials of various kinds,

for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

And let steadfastness have its full effect,

that you may be perfect and complete,

lacking in nothing."

(taken from the ESV bible)

A couple of notes:

"Count/consider" calls us to a mental exercise. Not an emotion. He's telling us to think, to reflect, and to esteem the unalloyed joys available to us "whenever we experience various trials."

Left alone, trials are "robbers".

Trials don't get to steal from followers of Christ unless we hand over the goods. In fact, they're commanded to give goods to us if we're willing to receive them. Robbers or reapers, its up to us.

(All quotes from Beth Moore's study on the book of James)

John MacArthur adds this:

on trials- "Every trial becomes a test of faith designed to strengthen"

"Through tests, a Christian will learn to withstand tenaciously the pressure of a trial until God removes it at His appointed time, and even cherish the benefit."

When John says "and even cherish the benefit" I always think of my girls. If God would have answered my prayer and allowed me to be pregnant all those years ago, I would not have Ivy and Lucy.

Not only that but as I was talking to a friend from home last week, she was mentioning all the years of suffering Matt and I have gone through. It seems to some that we can never catch a break. But God has shown me over the years how I have been able to endure these trials. Not that it's not hard and not on my own, but by my trust in Him, He has gotten me through. He has provided the strength.

I'm thankful for these reminders today. I want to be a reaper instead of having my joy robbed.

First Snow Fall

2012-01-15T08:46:00.001-08:00

My New Year's Resolution

2012-01-12T13:51:00.000-08:00

I had joked to a couple of people, before I moved, when they asked me what I was going to do up in Washington. I told them I was going to become quite the theologian. I wanted to really dig in and study the bible. I started to read a book by Martha Peace called," Attitudes of a Transformed Heart" (excellent book by the way). She wrote something, talking about when she first became a Christian. I read it and said,"That's it! I want that to be my resolution this year!" I wrote it in the front of both my bibles." If you want to know more about God and want to please Him, then you HAVE to study His word."

"Lord, my prayer is that You will give me such a great love for Your Word that no matter how much I learn, I will never be satisfied. I will always want more."

I couldn't have said it better myself! I have totally made that my prayer and you know what? He has proved faithful. I have been reading and there are (most days) when I don't want to stop! It has been such a blessing.

Some of you ask me how in the world I am sustaining in all of the trials the Lord has brought my way. I am not going to lie, I have had tears and have totally felt sorry for myself and my family. But God's Word has totally given me comfort. After all, that is one of the reasons He gives us trials, so that we would seek Him. Find our comfort and rest in Him instead of other people and things. I'm still growing in this area.

There may be some of you that think you don't really know the bible and what it says. You "love God but don't need to go THAT far". Or you are a Christian and honestly don't have much of a desire to dig in and really KNOW the bible. If that is you, I encourage you to ask Him for the desire to truly know Him and what He has to say. Take my word for it, when hard times come, you are going to want something to lean on, something to take comfort in.

Ok. That was kind of getting off subject but I felt like I should say it.

Here's to knowing HIM more in 2012!

My Brave Man

2012-01-10T19:34:00.000-08:00

Matt's surgery was yesterday. He was a little nervous about it but everything went well. His dad took him because Ivy had a short day at school. I left as soon I dropped Ivy off at home with Grandma. I was talking to my friend Staci on the phone and got lost on the way! The nurse called to tell me Matt was out of surgery and I had to tell her I got lost.

When I got to the surgery center they ushered me back. Matt looked really good for just getting out of surgery. We had to wait a while for his blood pressure to go down before we could leave and then we were on our way.

He has to wear this blue styrofoam around his wrist to help keep his hand elevated. Ivy was disappointed that they didn't put him in a cast because she wanted to write her and Lucy's name on it. That will have to wait until his Dr.'s appointment next week.

I asked Matt on the way home if he said anything funny when he came to in the recovery room. He said "No. but I will tell you something else I said." He told me that the nurses were going to see if I was in the waiting room to have me come back. Matt said," Ok. She will be the pretty one out there." Oh man.....my heart skipped a beat. Love it when a man says something sweet about their wife in public, and mine did it loaded up with drugs. hahaPlease continue to pray that he wouldn't be in a lot of pain, that his wrist would heal fast and right, and that God would allow our bills to be lowered and that we would have the finances. Continuing to trust the One who has everything under control.

Trying to prayerfully remember that this trial should not be the focus of my attention. It is the Lord. To Him will I look.

Thanks for your prayers!

Just When Things Were Looking Up

2012-01-06T14:50:00.001-08:00

Well....Just when I thought things couldn't get worse. Haha. Just kidding. I know they could get worse, even worse than they are right now. Matt has been a little stir crazy so he had the idea to clear out the back yard and take out some old,dead blackberry bushes. He cleared out alot this week with our brother in law and was going to burn what they had piled up. Since it rains every pickin' day around here ( No, I'm not bitter....wink), he was getting the hose and he slipped on a slippery ramp. He fell and broke his wrist in two places. He called for me and after discussion, Matt's dad took him to the emergency room. Long story short, he has to get a plate in it with surgery on Monday morning. That would be concern enough but did I mention that we don't have health insurance because Matt is out of work? We found out that everything is going to cost around $13,000. I don't even know how to put my mind around that except to hand it over to Jesus.

Wow, the Lord continues to get me right in that sweet spot of where I worry the most. At the same time, He has reminded me of how He has taken care of us along the way. My deepest fears have been realized in relation to Matt and work. The what if's I used to ask have now become reality and I'm still here, surviving. Loving my kids, my husband, having food to eat, a place to sleep, I am for the first time in my life living the dream I have always wanted...being a stay at home mom .....just not as I thought, living with my in laws (which I am so grateful to them for) and Matt being out of work. I can thank Him for those things.

I wish so bad that I could see how this part of our journey ends. I can't wait to "look back" and see what the Lord did instead of wonder about the future. Please be in prayer for Matt and his pain, his surgery, the financial aspect of this accident and a job for him. Thank you!

Here is a picture of my tough guy when he came home from the emergency room.
I thought I would add some pictures that I have taken of Washington lately. Really pretty country. Here is the front view coming out of Matt's parents driveway.
The "cow view" looking out my bedroom window.
Part of the drive going up to Matt's parents house. This is only about half way up the hill!
This is my "Twilight" picture. This is what the fog does every morning.

Times are a Changin' and so are we....

2012-01-03T19:48:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that it has taken me so long to write a blog post. It is not for lack of things going on in our lives but too much. Now I have so much to share so I will post a lot more. Our computer broke down too so I had to wait to get it back and we lost ALL of our pictures on our computer so I had to try and upload new ones.

The biggest news is that after Matt being out of a job for almost 9 months, we moved to Washington state to live with his parents. It was a tough and extremely sad decision but one we had to make. We moved out of our house (because it sold) the week of Thanksgiving and moved in with my sister for a month until Ivy and I got done with school. Then, the day after Ivy and I were done with school, we left at 7am to make the 15 hour drive to Woodland, Washington. I drove Matt's car, our friend, Greg Wells, drove my car with a trailer hooked to the back, and Matt drove the big U Haul. The girls and I stopped to meet Ivy's birth grandma for lunch to celebrate Ivy's birthday and the girls' Christmas. It was so great to see "Mammo" and it was the perfect break in the day. We stopped and spent the night in a motel and made the rest of the trip the next day. Matt and Greg were in heaven talking on walkie talkies the whole way up there.

I have a lump in my throat even reliving the last couple of months.... so many memories that I push in the back of my mind to stay focused on the days ahead, to be a support to Matt and my girls, TRY to not shock my in laws living with 4 extra people, yet something will happen, a note or a message on facebook, or even seeing a picture of the yellow walls in my old bedroom. I always loved the color of those walls. Then a couple of tears start to roll. I have tried to entertain Lucy, laugh with Matt about stuff or be Ivy's biggest cheerleader of all the fun new things she can do here.

I remember sitting in my friend, Matt's office at school, starting to cry before we moved. He asked me what I thought the Lord was trying to teach me through all of this. I said that I thought that it was to just trust Him. Trust Him when I'm feeling sadness so bad that I can't form words. Trust Him when I have no idea what He is doing or where He is taking us. Trust Him when things are REALLY uncomfortable for me. Trust Him when He "took away" every close friend that I have (besides Matt of course). I have no place to run but to Him.

I have said it before and I will say it again. This is why good, true theology is so important. Is what I believe about God true or not? Is He good? Is He faithful? Is He Sovereign? I say YES! Then He still is when He hasn't answered my prayers the way I want Him to. I trust Him.

I'll write about this journey because apparently this is my therapy. haha No, more importantly, I want to be able to look back and see where He took us and how I felt along the way. Here are a couple random pictures from the last couple of months. Enjoy!

My Christmas Eve baby turning 6 years old. Ivy with her matching American Girl doll, Emily.
Our family picture at Ivy's Christmas concert at Legacy. (With Hollie's boyfriend, Hugh. Ivy LOVED it that he came to watch her.)
My Thanksgiving turkey

Hollie taking me to the Sara Barielles concert....miss my sister.

Happiness Highlights

2011-10-25T10:07:00.000-07:00

I had a TOUGH day yesterday....the whole day...never got better. However, something had caught my eye on Twitter ( I love Twitter), to take a moment and make some Happiness Highlights of your day. It really made me think about things that make me happy, or I prefer joyful (but that doesn't rhyme with Highlights) So...here it goes, (in no particular order)some of my happiness highlights.....

1. God's Word. I don't know how people go throughout life with out it. It has given me such comfort over the last couple of months. I am so thankful to the Lord that He has given us His word for encouragement and instruction.

2. My I Phone. This is what makes me happy right? I have had to think about giving it up, which has made me more thankful for it now. I love my phone.

3.Fall decorations. I love the browns and oranges.

4. Good friends and family that encourage me. The Lord has blessed me so abundantly in this area. I have a great sister and girls who are like my sisters. Not everyone has had this in their life and my cup overflows!

Getting pedicures with some of my favorite people for my birthday.
5. Lucy Griselda Ann Elliott. No one has been making me laugh harder. Like when she puts a sticker over her eye and comes around the corner and says, "Argh, Momma. I a pirate!" Or when I have rocked her in a chair singing to her in her room, and just when I think she's alseep. She says, with her eyes closed, "Sing it again." So...I do.
6. Matt , the love of my life. I am so encouraged by the Spiritual leader he is in our family. How the Lord is growing him in His walk with the Lord. His love and concern for others and how he loves his girls! I love you Matt! (P.S. I'm your Soldier!)
7. My Kindergarten "Star of the Week" Ivy Emma Elisabeth Elliott! This week is her "Gotcha Day" and she's star of the week. It is a good week to be Ivy Elliott. I have loved teasing her about all the surprises coming her way on Gotcha Day. She has made me so happy when I wasn't feeling good and she dusted the whole house on her own. I love her heart.

8. My house. Even though I only have it until Thanksgiving. I was looking around today, so thankful for the time I had here. I brought my babies home here. Great memories.

9. Twitter. Since I mentioned it before. I love the people that I follow and finding out what is going on with some pastors I like to listen to, and some celebs. :) And Pinterest....for those of you on it, you know. :)

10. The glowing green smoothie I have been drinking. Of course I would rather be eating a donut, but I feel good and it is helping in the weightloss.

11. My friend, Andrea, who is ALWAYS willing to watch Lucy when Matt has to go somewhere. She has been a huge help and I am so thankful how she actually gets excited when Lulu is coming...Ok. And Emily. :)

12. The body of Christ. Anonymos help and friendly notes for Matt and I when we haven't even asked for it. It brings tears to my eyes.

13. The $100 Visa gift card that I won in a contest at work, along with a giftcard from Target that we got as a present, that is my kid's Christmas presents all taken care of! That ROCKED! And when Kayce said," I couldn't be more happy if I had won that myself!" Happy....

14. Singing and worship songs. Feeds my soul. So thankful for the 3 years at Placerita Baptist where Aaron allowed me to be used and be creative. I have loved every minute of it.

Wow, once you get going, you can't stop! What makes you happy?

Smoothie Making: Healthy Living

2011-10-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I hit a wall 2 weeks ago. I was getting dressed for church and I "Officially" had NOTHING to wear. I had gained that much weight. I had given away all of my "fat" clothes when I lost weight, vowing to never go back. One thing I have learned about myself through foster care and Matt losing his job is that I am definately a stress eater! I told Matt that I refused to go buy something, we should not be spending money on that, especially when Matt still doesn't have a job. So I said, I was going to change. I did great last week, I lost almost 4 pounds! I worked out on the eliptical for an hour for 4 days (my goal was 5) and tried to eat as healthy as I could. I also went back to trying to stay away from white flour, sugar, and dairy. I did Ok. I still had a piece of Sam's Club pizza....but stopped eating after that piece of pizza. I don't stress out over stuff like that because it needs to be a lifestyle.

The one thing that I had been wanting to do is "Juice" in the mornings. I have a great Blendtec blender and so I was on the search for a great Juicing, all natural recipe. I stumbled on a book that I got on my Kindle called The Beauty Detox Solution . It gives a great recipe for a glowing green smoothie . While, I don't agreee with everything in the book from a Christian standpoint. She does have some great tips and she talks alot about food pairing and how that gives you energy and makes you look and feel healthy.

I like the book for that fact that she gives you tips on how to incorporate (even on a small level) things to make you feel better and loose weight as a lifestyle. While I am at it, if you are struggling spiritually with your weight (as I do). There are 2 books which I highly recommend reading BEFORE this other book . These books have really made a difference in my life regarding my lack of self control with food. They are MUST READS for anyone struggling. They are "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst and "Reshaping it All" by Candace Cameron Bure.
Lucy helped me get everything ready.
Washing lettuce and getting it ready for salads.

The Americana

2011-10-04T13:38:00.000-07:00

Today Matt and I took the girls to the Americana in Glendale for a free kids music concert. It was really fun. They loved it. Ivy is turning into a great photographer. We love daddy for doing girl stuff with us!They had face painting there for the kids. I didn't let Lucy do it or her naptime would have been a disaster. She didn't even seem to notice.

Mom, Stop taking pictures while I'm trying to listen to the concert!
Melissa Green is great!
The Americana is beautiful, even on an overcast day.

Saturday Garage Sales

2011-10-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

Ivy REALLY wanted to go to garage sales today. She had her and Lucy dressed, to go cups for the car with drinks, a banana for a snack , shoes on and beds made before I officially was ready. We went to a couple neighborhoods that the whole neighbor hood was having sales.

I saw a couple girls from church. One was my friend Merideth. She was there with her little girl. I spotted this Petunia Pickle Bottle diaper bag and told her she MUST have it. It retails for at least $200 and she got it for $5!
Hollie got a sewing machine and this picture with a cute frame. I think she is going to use the frame for something else.
I got a pair of BORN black sandles, some burlap, and these treasures.... a floral table runner, pink dishes to go with a collection I am starting for my girls, Lucy's initials, a small mason jar (that I put loose leaf tea in)....
a cast iron skillet and these rod iron plates(I saw on a blog to hang something like this on a wall and hang back packs on it or purses).
I spent less than $20 for the whole day, spent time with my girls, sister and friends. A great day!

Fall decorating with Thankfulness

2011-09-08T10:33:00.001-07:00

I have been really debating whether to get out my fall decorations or not. I LOVE decorating my house for fall. The smell of pumpkin spice and cinnamon, cookies baking, seeing pumpkins everywhere, browns, reds and oranges filling my living room. I love it all. But I have been really sad about moving and leaving our house. Not knowing where we're going to live, Matt still not having a job, trying hard to stay faithful and trusting the Lord. I have felt like this is no longer my home.

This little townhome that I have loved for 6 years. Some people would complain about a little townhome but I have loved every minute of it and have been grateful. I have been thinking what is the point of decorating when I have to pack it all up in a couple months anyway, but, on a whim I got it all out of the garage and started going through it.

I am determined to be thankful today for my little home. As I put up my little thankfulness sign I had tears in my eyes. I don't know what God is going to do with my little family but I am going to relish in being thankful for the many blessings He has given me.

Matt Chandler really convicted my heart with a sermon last week. He said that sometimes we get mad at God for NOT giving us we He never promised us to give us in the first place. I had to confess my sin with tears. The Lord never promised to give me a home. He never even promised that my family would get to live by ourselves. It made me more thankful for what is really important.....my salvation, my husband and girls, health, His provision, His faithfulness and love for my family. Ok. fully crying at the computer now. I have no where near arrived but today I am thankful.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 " Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Psalm 118:1" Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His steadfast love endures forever."

Ivy's Kindergarten Favorites

2011-09-02T13:50:00.000-07:00

TV. Show- Dora the Explorer

Movie- Care Bears

Song- Radio Disney's Pop Dreamer's CD "Do What You Want"

Musician- Mommy

Food- Pasta

Candy- Chocolate Ice cream

Toy- American Girl, Emily

Activity- Swimming

Friend- Kate Penberthy

Favorite thing to do at school- play on the playground with friends

Kindergarten

2011-08-24T10:55:00.001-07:00

So many emotions today. I can't believe five and a half years ago I was driving to the hospital to pick up my girl and today I took her to Kindergarten. She was so excited! She cried last night because she said she was going to miss all of the things that we would do together when she was in school. I put on my cheerleader face and told her of all of the fun things that she would get to do in Kindergarten, including one of them being ME being her music teacher!

I have taught at Legacy and Sunshine over 13 years and I never thought that I would be fortunate enough to have Ivy go to school there. I used to watch kids walk into school and think ,"Man, I would love to see Ivy in that uniform." Today was the day. I started to walk to the car, getting teared up, thanking God for Lucy, that I still have one at home. Again, a reminder that He granted me the desires of my heart. If I didn't have Lucy then today would have been much harder. Even in the pang of sadness that I feel in my heavy heart today, there are so many things that I'm thankful for. God is good....all the time.

New friends
Aunt Hollie came for my support. :)
Hugging Daddy goodbye
Ivy's new teacher, Mrs. Ottaviano
Last wave.

Meet the Teacher Night

2011-08-23T08:06:00.001-07:00

I can't believe that it is finally here. My first born entering Kindergarten. In one sense I don't want tomorrow to come. In another sense, it needs to come because the anticipation of it is killing me. It seems like yesterday, we got the call that Ivy was being born. Now five and a half years later things are changing so fast. Ivy is the girl I love spending the most time with. She is a shopper, she gets my humor, we enjoy the same things, I enjoy our chats and now she will be at school. I am beyond blessed that her teacher is my friend Sabra. Sabra loves Kindergarten like I have never seen. She is so loving with the kids. I told someone yesterday that I feel like a Kindergarten teacher should be half "loving mom" and half "formal teacher" and I feel like that is Sabra. Ivy has already learned to say "Mrs. Ottaviano" and is soooo excited!Here is her new friend Kalea. They sit at the same table.

She sits in the front row, seat 1. I love it. She is right in the action.
It was different going to school as a parent. I have been to 13 Meet the Teacher Nights at Legacy, always as the teacher. I felt so blessed last night having my family there as I was teacher/parent. I have a feeling it is going to be a great year!

Family Staycation

2011-08-08T16:30:00.000-07:00

Ok. So at the beginning of the summer I had a garage sale and sold all of my baby stuff so that we could take a family vacation this summer. Then 4 months ago Matt lost his job and so I saved the money to go somewhere to celebrate when he got another job. That hasn't happened. So while we needed to have some work done on both of our cars, there went some of the money, however, as I was reading one of my favorite blogs, this girl talked about her family taking a "staycation" so we did a mini one today. Our plan was to go to Santa Monica Place to window shop and have lunch. However, on our way there Matt said, "Man, I'd love to go to Tito's today." So me being the submissive wife :) , I told him we should go. It had been a while. Usually you can't find a seat but at 10:30am we had our pick. ( I know, you are thinking,"Who would eat taco's at 10:30am?" If your asking you haven't had Tito's!)Here's my yummy tacos. I should have taken a picture of happy Lucy with her head stuck in the refried beans and salsa. Yep, my girl is truly Mexican!
A great outdoor shopping place in Santa Monica. There was a famous female athlete in Nike and the Papporazzi were in the store filming her and taking pictures of her. I was sad that I didn't know her because it's in the sports arena and I only know actresses. But her bod was amazing...feeling a touch guilty at the Tito's.
On the 3rd floor roof looking down on Third Street Promanade.
This was my favorite part. This market had a lot of places to eat in there. I told Matt I'd love to go and eat there sometime.
Here is another part of the outdoor eating. You can see the Santa Monica Ferris Wheel from there and a sneak peek of the ocean.
Since we were only window shopping, we got in the car and were going to head over to the Grove. (one of me and Ivy's favorite places). On the way, we decided that we go there so often, so we decided to stop at Magnolia Bakery. It has a famous bakery in New York and they opened one in Los Angeles. SO CUTE! Ivy and I jumped out of the car and went in because the parking stinks so Matt and Lulu drove around while we picked out everyone's treats.
L.O.V.E.

Ivy, the happy customer.

peanut butter bar(Matt), Vanilla cupcake with green buttercream frosting with sprinkles (Ivy), Chocolate with Chocolate frosting (Lulu), red velvet with a creamy frosting (of course Kelli!...I was a little surprised by my frosting but it was still AMAZEBALLS!)
Yes. Please.
Besides the emergency stop at Grace Community Church for Ivy to go to the bathroom, it was a smooth day. Loved spending it with my family! Check out these places and tell me if you liked them!

Lulu's summer fun in Iowa

2011-08-05T10:27:00.001-07:00

If you don't have a pool at Grandma and Grandpa's house, just pull an old bucket out of the garage!

Summer Food Crawl continued....

2011-08-04T10:40:00.000-07:00

I have made a couple AMAZING things to eat this summer. I made 2 things this week and I will share one of them today. It tasted amazing but I don't think I made it right. I can't wait to make it again. I got a cookbook from my friend,Kelli for my birthday. It was from a restaraunt we went to in Nashville called The Loveless Cafe. Such great food!

I made the Suppertime Beef Casserole

1 (7 ounce) package macaroni and cheese

1 pound ground beef

1 garlic clove, chopped

1 (10 ounce) can onion soup

salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare the macaroni and cheese according to the package directions. Brown the ground beef with the garlic in a skillet over medium heat, stirring until crumbly, drain. Add the soup and prepared macaroni and cheese. Mix well. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Spoon the mixture into a 2 Qt. casserole dish. Bake for 30 minutes.

Keep in mind this is a southern recipe so it is not diet friendly. I used steamed broccoli as a side dish to make myself feel better. Matt loved it! Every day since then he says, " I wish we still had some of that macaroni casserole." :) Enjoy!

Great Grandma Gorsh

2011-07-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

One of the main reasons I went home to Iowa was to see my Grandma. I don't know if I will ever see her again on this earth so I wanted to make sure and go this summer and introduce her to Lucy. It was great seeing her. Here she is with most of her grandkids (my brother, sister in law, sister and I) and all of our kids.Gorsh kids with Grandma
Ivy and Grandma
Lucy climbed right up on her lap.
She put her bible away when we got there. She said it was her 70th time reading through the whole bible.
I LOVE Grandma Gorsh. It was great to see her again. I got teary eyed hugging her one last time. She kept saying that she has been telling Jesus that she is ready to go home. I told her that I had been praying that He wouldn't take her until I got there. He answered my prayer!

Ivy's Recipe.. Strawberry Delight...Food Crawl #3

2011-07-11T18:05:00.000-07:00

I wanted to do something fun with Ivy today because it was her 1st day at summer camp at Legacy (where she is going to Kindergarten). I'm not going to lie, it was a hard day. I cried alot. I could write a whole post about it. Just realizing that she is going to be a Kindergartener hit me hard. I miss her when she is not here. Anyway...Ivy has been asking me to help her make something out of one of HER cookbooks and I chose the "Paula Deen's My First Cookbook". We made Strawberry Delight. (It's not diet food!)

Ingredients:

1 large angel food cake

8oz. block of cream cheese

14 oz. can of sweetend condensed milk, regular or fat free

2 10oz. packages frozen,sweetened, halved, strawberries, thawed

7oz. can of whipped cream

1. Tear the cake into bite size pieces into a bowl. Put the cream cheese and the sweetened condensed milk into a medium bowl and mix with an electric mixer until it's smooth.

2. Put about half of the cake pieces into the large glass bowl. Pour about half of the cream cheese mixture on top of the cake pieces and use a spatula to spread it evenly from one side of the bowl to the othere. Open 1 package of strawberries and evenly pour the berries and juice over the cream cheese mixture. Take the can of whipped cream and make a thin layer evenly over the strawberries. Make sure you don't use it all because you need more for the top layer than you do for the bottom layer.

3. Repeat the layers. You can decorate the top with fresh strawberries if you like.

4. Cover the top with plastic wrap and keep this in the refrigerator until after the meal is over. Then bring it to the table and everyone will ooh and ahh and think you are just the best cook ever!

So yummy! Enjoy!

Awesome Estate Sale

2011-07-08T13:04:00.001-07:00

I went to the most awesome estate sale this morning. It was the house of an actress/interior designer who has been on the show "Clean House". She was selling loads of house stuff. EVERYTHING you can think of with a packed garage and yard. Her neighbor had a house full of shoes, purses and clothes. It was amazing! I went by myself and there was no one to be giddy with as I went through the house 3 times to make sure I wasn't missing anything. Just to clarify, I WAS missing much more but I had to be mindful that Matt doesn't have a job right now and I cannot spend like I really wanted to. However, I HAD to pick up some treasures!

My brother had taken an amazing picture of a church when I was back in Iowa. I had it made into a 16 x20 and I got this white frame at the sale for $5.
Another basket that matches my other baskets, a mini basket that I am putting in my kitchen to hold my salt and pepper, olive oil, syrup, and balsamic vinigar right on my stove and some fake artichoke leaves for decoration.
An empty frame with my killer steal of the day. Candle lanterns! They were filthy when I got them but I cleaned them up pretty good!
A file organizer that matches a set that I already have from Pottery Barn and 2 frames.
The sale is running now thru Sunday. 9am 13226 Aetna Street Van Nuys,CA. 91401

4th of July

2011-07-05T09:44:00.001-07:00

Carpenteria beach.
Bathing beauty
Fireworks with the Penberthy's
Tired girl
Best Friends= Great day!

Iowa pictures

2011-07-01T19:45:00.001-07:00

I have been wanting my brother to take pictures of my kids for a long time now. He is one of a long line of friends who have gotten really good at photography (so much so that I cringe as they look at my pictures on my blog and facebook.) When I went home to Iowa with my girls (Hollie came a few days later) he took some pictures at a beautiful place in Illinois called Heritage Park. Here are some favorites.Props to my brother Kyle (here with his family, Becca (my SIL) Mayah, Mason, Madison, and McCalin)
Aunt Hollie with all of her kids (all the cousins)
Behind the kids is the Mississippi River seperating Iowa and Illinois.
A sweet kiss from my girl.
Ivy 5 1/2
Lulu almost 2!

Thank you Kyle! I already ordered some for my home.

Marston's Salad....food crawl continued...

2011-06-28T15:28:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago Matt and I took the girls and used a gift card we had to a new place in town called Marston's. They have a very successful restaraunt in Pasadena so this is another location. The food was AMAZE-BALLS! I had the most amazing salad. I had heard that the their San Pasqual salad dressing was so good and that they sold it. You can get it here . I quickly got out my phone and wrote down the ingredients so that I could make the salad at home. I added some rotisserie chicken and I think the only other thing that would make it perfect is some crumbled goat cheese.

Here are the ingredients:

spinach leaves

green onions

candied walnuts

avacado

bacon

Marston's San Pasqual dressing

Matt said that it was the best salad he ever ate. Score!

Enjoy!

Lucy's First Haircut

2011-06-27T08:24:00.001-07:00

Before we left for our vacation to Iowa, Lucy got a haircut by my friend Sarah. I was so worried that she was going to loose her curls. If that would happen I would bawl my eyes out! Haha. Sarah just trimmed it up to make it even and did a great job.

Lucy was a great sport and stood so still. She had to stand up because she is so small.

Here she is before the first cut. She was wondering what was going on. Haha. Love her!
Iowa pictures coming soon!

Summertime

2011-06-17T08:19:00.000-07:00

First week of summer break. A ride on the train at the mall.Pool time
Ice cream comes in our jammies.
The girls and I are on our way to Iowa tomorrow so I will have lots of pictures taken in the midwest!

Amazing Bacon Wrapped BBQ Burgers

2011-06-16T11:52:00.001-07:00

Ok, to go along with Grandma's baked beans, I found this amazing bacon wrapped BBQ burburger recipe. It was amazing but you could almost split a burger with someone else. Here's Matt making the patties.You put the mixture of sautaeed onions, mushrooms and BBQ sauce in the middle of 2 patties and push them together.
Wrapping in bacon goodness.

Enjoy!

Grandma Gorsh's Baked Beans

2011-06-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

Me and Grandma (Mary) Gorsh
I told Matt yesterday that I wanted to do something this summer. Kind of like a food crawl through out the summer. We still need to watch our weight but I am thinking a little splurge once a week. (In this case twice because we had leftovers.) With Matt out of work right now, I still want to make amazing memories this summer but we can't spend extra money so... you have to buy groceries anyway right? I would like to try a new recipe each week.

I am going to post about our amazing burger later in the week but I wanted to share my Grandma's WONDERFUL recipe for baked beans. You HAVE to make them this summer for a BBQ.I dragged my Jr. Chef out of the pool to help me prepare the beans.

Grandma's baked beans. You'll be wanting her address to send her a thank you note after you try these beans!
Grandma Gorsh's Baked Beans:

VanKamp's pork n beans 2-3 cans (1 lb. cans)

1/4 lb. (4 slices) bacon, kind of crisp, crumbled

large hamburger patty, cooked and crumbled

medium onion

1/4 cup brown sugar

1T. molassas ( I never put this in because I don't have it)

1T. Ketchup

1T. mustard

Mix and heat. Enjoy!

I didn't do this enough

2011-05-16T09:26:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day that I have lived in our house for 6 years and I didn't pick the beautiful roses that were right in my front yard alot to put in the house. They have been so beautiful and I need to put them in the house more.

A week ago Matt and I put our house on the market. We decided whether Matt gets a job here in Southern California or not we should sell it and rent something to be more flexible. The Lord has definately been turing our hearts in a different direction, however, we just want to be where the Lord wants us. We have looked at places to rent and we have not found anything nice in our price range. It is so expensive here! I am learning to be content wherever we go. I have LOVED this house and have thanked the Lord for it so many times. I loved living here. Some people probably didn't like the area or thought it wasn't very nice but it was ours. I remember when our friends moved us in and everyone had left. Matt and I just looked at each other and cried. We cried and thanked God for our home. We were/are so thankful.

To say that Matt and I are in limbo is an understatement. He has applied for so many jobs and has not heard back from one. I don't know what I would do if I did not believe in the sovereignty of God. I know that we will be where God wants us and Matt will have the job that God intends. I am so proud of Matt for how hard he has been trying to get a job.

The situation has weighed on us pretty heavy lately. We had to apologize to each other yesterday for both reaching a breaking point on Saturday. It's not always roses but we are trying hard to stay faithful. We'll keep you posted!

All things are possible for You....

2011-04-26T08:05:00.000-07:00

The girls on Easter.Sorry that it has been awhile since I have last posted. A lot has been going on in the Elliott house. Matt lost his job a little over a week ago. He has applied at a lot of places but has not heard anything yet. I have had some tears and some stress eating that I am trying to get under control.

I was thinking a lot the week before Easter of my worries, continually giving them to the Lord. I remembered the Lord right before He was about to die. Do you know that He was so troubled before He went to die that He was sweating actual blood? In Mark 14 it says that He was greatly distressed and troubled....yet He never sinned. In verse 36 he prayed, "Abba ,Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what You will." Now getting ready to die to be the atonement for the sins of the world, that is something to be troubled about. I was thinking on that to put my own troubles in perspective for me.

I know that God could give Matt a job today. I don't doubt that at all. He cares for us more than sparrows. I am still fighting the sin of worry. I have about 5 weeks of teaching left and then I am done for the summer and no more pay checks. Please pray with me that he gets a job.

He has been working really hard to get one.

Digesting Truth

2011-04-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

Ok. I have been struggling for the last month on my weigh loss journey. I don't LOVE to talk about it. As a matter of fact, every time lately someone tells me how good I look, I feel discouraged on the inside because I know that I am barely hanging on.

Here are the facts. I have lost 42 pounds but I have gained almost 4 back.....with in the last week. Granted, I just took a mini get away and I wouldn't be so discouraged but it had taken me a whole month to lose 3 pounds! And before you say that I have hit a plateau, I don't think that I have because I am not doing well in the self control department. I also REALLY hurt my knee this weekend. (It is actually a really funny story of how I did it....it involves me, my coordination...or lack there of, and trying to dance a little/ act out me on a treadmill). I haven't been able to get back to working out and I MIGHT need to see a DR. to make sure I didn't tear anything. ANYWAY, THAT IS OFF THE SUBJECT!

I have felt really off. Like all of these convictions I had are slowly fading away as I resort back to the way of eating I have lived for 38 years. OK, I was a preemie and skinny for a few years. I also started to notice other areas in my life where I had been working on self control start to lossen it's grip and relax. But, there was a little voice inside of my saying" NO,wait! I want to change! I want a life filled with holy self control! I don't want to give into this sin again!"

As I was ready to put my focus back, the Lord gave me a blog post today. It was by Lysa Terkeurst. You can read it on her blog but this is what spoke to me.

" How many people choose to ingest truth but never choose to digest it?..... Just taking the inspiration of truth but never being transformed by it, will lead us down a dangerous path of doubt. Doubting ourselves. Doubting God. Doubting the effectiveness of thruth. ...... Reading truth but not applying it. Like a message I hear at church but not living it. Knowing what I must do to experience life change but never putting it into action. Taking in knowledge but never letting it make a difference in my life."

I know what the truth is about my sin. I have been studying why/ how I have been sinning against God with food and my lack of self control in certain areas of my life. I know the lies I tell myself when I really want to eat something I shouldn't. I am so thankful to the Lord for that blog post today. I prayed for something to give me the desire to get back on track. In her book "Made to Crave" Lysa talks about this. There has to be something more than us wanting to lose weight to look good,etc. (insert your reason). Pretty soon the compliments fade, people will be used to the "skinny you", you will be done losing weight. So what will keep the weight off? It is the fact the your number one reason is to honor God with your body and in my case, honor God with my self control.

Does any of that make sense? I hope one day I can look back at these blog posts and say "Hallelujah! I have done it!" Or at least I might not struggle as much as I do now.

What are you struggling with? If you are a Christian and you know your struggling, what have you been studying in God's word to help you over come your sin? Are you digesting the truth or just ingesting it?

Psalm 51:6 " Behold you delight in the truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart."

Girls trip San Diego

2011-04-05T08:38:00.000-07:00

I had such a refreshing weekend with some girlfriends this weekend in San Diego. It was just what the doctor ordered for all of us. There was me, Ashely,Kelli I., Cindy, and Sara. We had such a great time talking,talking, talking, seeing movies, laughing, eating, sleeping, game playing, and more talking. I LOVE these girls. It is funny because we all went to college together at the same time but (besides Kelli I. and Ashley) none of us were really friends. I love how God has knit us together to be so close.

I looked around the room at one point and thought about what God has brought us through. Cindy and Ashley have both lost children. Kelli I. and Sara were both adopted, I have adopted... we have all been through all of these trials with each other. HAHA...Sara and Kelli I. being adopted was not a trial like I just made it out to be. I just mentioned that because I thought here are two women that I can show my daughters that were adopted just like them! :)

Kelli I. (from Tennessee) and Sara (from Sacramento/Roseville) flew into San Diego and Cindy, Ashley and I went to pick them up. Here are some highlights....

We ate lunch at a great restaraunt on the beach.
Ben Garate gets the special husband award for having snacks waiting for us in our hotel room when we got to our room! Props to Benny!
This is the view out of our hotel rooms. We had two rooms that were ajoining. Kelli and I stayed in one room while Ash, Cindy and Sara stayed in the other room. (because Kelli and I worked out in the moring.)
The view is at the front of the hotel.

Eating lunch at my favorite restaraunt...The Cheesecake Factory
The girls talked me into playing games. Ugh! Phase 10
It took about 65 games and 4 hours to finish! 2AM! Towards the end I was just asking what cards Cindy needed so she could win the thing and I could go to bed. Sshhh...Serect....I didn't hate it as much as they thought I did. I loved the company, just 4 hours is a little much don't ya think? Ben's candy basket kept me going. :)
Found this sign and made me miss my girl even more!
Ended the trip with some Captain Crunch french toast that I split with Ashley. Hello! So good!
We missed our families, the time went by fast but I love these girls and am so thankful that they are in my life. They are such a blessing to me.

Well Hello There....

2011-03-23T13:30:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the long absence. We have had a whirlwind month so far! Here are some highlights. Snuggles with Lulu....My in laws were here for the Shepard's Conference at Grace Community Church. My Sister in law,Esther, came for the first week. Ivy and I took her to Disneyland. Here they are planning their next route.
Ivy and I ended up on a ride with Larry King's wife and family. They were so sweet. They put Ivy in their family video! Here she is with her oldest son.
Mrs. King (aka. Shawn King took this picture of Ivy and I.)

Ivy and I also took Esther to the Rose Bowl Flea Market in Pasadena. I took these pictures for my friend Tiffany. I knew she would love this set of spices.
The whole set was $375....so I didn't buy it for her.....sorry Tiff!
The girls snuggling with Daddy.
Fun day at the park.
I stopped into Tori Spelling's store "Inventori" on Ventura Blvd. LOVED IT!
Matt and I got to go on a date while the in laws babysat! Yummy food at Salt Creek Grill, movie, and sipping Starbucks while we walked around Barnes and Noble. That reminded me so much of college date nights!
I couldn't find Lucy and she was in a tent "reading" a book.
Taking the girls to Scooter's Jungle to play.
Ending the day at Ivy's favorite place to eat, Panda Express, to celebrate signing her up for Kindergarten. She's so happy and I want to cry about it. Where did the years go?
So...what have you been up to?

2011-02-26T11:31:00.000-08:00

I had been wanting to get Lucy a Baby Be Blessed doll when she was officially adopted and part of the Elliott family. I finally ordered it right before Christmas. You can get a doll that looks like your child. I chose the Maria doll (named after Maria Sue Chapman, Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter that had passed away) That one is for Hispanic or Asian children. I got to choose the clothes that I wanted and choose what I wanted the label on her belly to be. I love it and so does Lucy. Ivy has a doll named Sissy Babes so we call this one Lulu Babes.
Her doll says..."Lucy Ann

Great is Your faithfulness. Lamentatians 3:23

Gotcha Day August 18,2010"
The girls with Lulu Babes and Sissy Babes.

The Smokin' Joint

2011-02-18T09:59:00.001-08:00

As usual, my pictures stink! Haha but I wanted to tell you about this great place we went to eat at last weekend. I have had this Groupon to a place called, "The Smokin' Joint" across from the Beverly Center down in LA. It is a yummy BBQ place where they play blues music the whole time. I think they have live music at night but during the day they have concerts on big screens playing. They played alot of BB King and Eric Clapton. They have a lot of sign guitars from rockers. It is a SMALL restaraunt but the food was AMAZING!B.B. King

My beef brisket sandwhich.
This amazing number was an onion with bacon and BBQ sauce baked in it!
This is what we ordered the girls and they didn't love it. Ivy ended up eating half my sandwhich. This was Mac and Cheese with a hint of jalapeno in it. It was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!
Did I say the word amazing too much? It was really good. Being that I am trying to watch my portions, we left the rest of the mac and cheese there and I went without dinner that night. Well worth the sacrifice!

DIY Project

2011-02-10T11:47:00.001-08:00

My sister had given me a black frame a while back. I knew that I didn't want to keep it black but wasn't sure what to do. I tried to brank out and make it pink. Matt voted a big no! He was like," Enough with the pink!" Haha I thought it turned out a little too "crafty" so I went on to paint it white.When I distressed it, the pink poked through which I thought was fine.

Pardon my pictures! I know nothing about taking pictures and all of these were done on my I phone. I don't know if I will keep things like this (in my master bathroom) as my whites don't totally match. But for now.....

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-09T13:12:00.001-08:00

Vivian's Cafe

2011-02-05T11:31:00.000-08:00

I had bought a Groupon to this fun little breakfast place on Ventura Blvd. in Studio City. It was so yummy. We were out the door by 7:45am to go eat!
The place was sooo small! Here is their little wall of celebs who eat at Vivians. ( Janet Jackson, the cast of "King of Queens", Smokey Robinson,etc.....)
Here is my yummy scramble (so yummy, I ate it all, so no lunch for me!) and Ivy's Mickey Mouse pancakes. Ivy cracked me up as she also ordered a hard boiled egg.
Matt and Lulu were there too. :) Then we drove around and looked at houses in Encino. Ivy bought some sand toys for the beach at a garage sale. Then we headed over to a music store in Sylmar. Busy morning but fun times being together!

Before/After DIY Projects

2011-01-31T09:31:00.000-08:00

Remember this from a couple of weeks ago?Here it is as my new media station (is that even a word? :) Anyways, it is smaller and more organized than what I had before. I am sure you can relate that all of the electronics never look good anywhere!
Here is the mirror that I wanted to paint.
I love how it turned out. I decided to put it over my dresser. Matt took off my old mirror and I made a mini collage that I can add to later.

What do you think?

Living a Conscious Life

2011-01-26T15:47:00.000-08:00

From all of the emails I got and phone calls I recieved, I know I struck a chord with people when I talked about the book "Reshaping it All". I finished it this week. Boo Hoo. There are a couple of things that I want to write about. I am encouraged by what people have shared with me (even if they are too shy to leave a blog comment. Haha)

Matt and I were talking yesterday and he told me that he really sees a difference in me losing weight this time. I hope so. I think that I am not as focused on losing weight as I am thinking about it as a spiritual issue in my life. Matt and I have had so many major trials in our lives over the last couple of years....financial, losing Sissy, foster care, adopting Lucy... I kind of feel like the Lord has given us a little break in the hard knox department and I have decided to use this time to really work on me....from the inside out. I want to be used! I have been ministered to for so many years now and I am ready to minister!

I love what the Lord has been showing me as to what has been lacking in my life. One chapter in the book was talking about living a conscious life. When it gave a little survey on if you were living one or not, I COMPLETELY FAILED IT! Huge wake up call....huge!

Here are some of my shorthand notes. (Hope they make sense!)

Monitored Living= Conscious Living

1. be mindful of our actions (realize the excess we eat)

2. be alert ( better equipped to handle temptation)

3. be prepared (stick to wise eating and exercise)

Conscious Living involves:

1. choice (do it or not)

2. determination (work unto the Lord and not man, live healthy because my body is a temple.)

3. accountability (NOTHING is hidden from God)

MONITOR YOURSELF

How?

1. food journaling (record 1. what your eating 2. how much you are exercising 3. How much water you drink)

2. record bible reading

Conscious living transforms you (me) into a different person spiritualluy, mentally and physically.

Candace writes, " There comes a time when the plan we choose becomes ingrained in us. That's when the conscious living that we chose becomes habit, conviction and routine. It's a comforting phase to walk in because we're living a lifestyle instead of an outline of rules. We instinctively follow because our hearts have been trained. "

I can't wait for that day...when the decisions I am making now become such a part of my life that I don't even have to think about it. I am willing to put in the work. You can to if this is your struggle! Don't give up!

Estate Sale

2011-01-15T14:25:00.000-08:00

Hollie, Ivy and I set out to an estate sale in Burbank this morning. These are my little projects. I have some work to do!I LOVED the molding on this bookcase. I am boring so it will probably be painted white.
I have been wanting to do a collage of mirrors above our bed in the master. I have 3 mirrors so far. This one might be painted too. I just have to convince Matt of it since we live in earthquake territory.
This was quite a find!! I have been looking for a frame like this. Has anyone seen this same thing in Pottery Barn for $299? I paid $2! At PB it has wire hooks going across it. I think I am going to use twine. Then use decorative clips to clip pictures and the like. I can't wait to show you when I'm done!
The dirty mini cooler for my girls and I to use at the beach. For a $1 it was priceless. It just needs some TLC!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-01-12T08:03:00.000-08:00

Reshaping it All

2011-01-10T15:17:00.000-08:00

I have wanted to write this post for awhile but where to begin! I have been on a diet and losing weight. I gained a little over the holidays and then lost it again. I have officially lost 25.5 pounds. I have done it by doing an hour of cardio 5 days a week (at 5:30am!) and then I have tried to cut out sugar, white flour, and dairy.....and Diet Coke(ouch!) But that is not why I am writing.

The Lord has been working on my heart over the last couple of years about food being an idol of my heart. I love food, love to eat, get excited about recipes, love to cook...and athough I don't think there is anything wrong with loving to do those things as activites, I think it is the time I spend thinking about it. Sometimes it consumes me. Then let's not even talk about the quanity of food I can eat. I think I can out eat my husband easy!

Before Christmas, I started reading a book by Candace Cameron Bure ( You know, DJ from "Full House"?...and my childhood crush, Kirk Cameron's sister?)called, "Reshaping it All". In the book she shares her struggle with food growing up and how it became a sin issue in her life. It is also something that she has overcome. She wrote that she used to be a person that was obsessed with food and thought about it constantly and now it isn't really something she thinks alot about during the day. I wanted to almost cry. I can't imagine a life like that. She gives a lot of practical advice in her book. She writes,

5 important steps to reaching your goals:

1. envision your goal.

2. formulate a plan.

3. Consider the gain.

4. count the cost.

5. Do the neccesary work to achieve it.

The other thing that I am woking on in my life this year (that has a lot to do with food, is the area of self control.) I NEED to bring self control to so many areas in my life. Candace writes,

"In many cases a healthy body is a reflection of an inner life that is balanced and is one that has excercised self control."

She also talks about her keys to success,

1. Willpower

2. Belief

3. Decision

4. Action

She says that you HAVE to have all four for your new way of life to work. Another tip,

1. Stay in communication with God. (on this issue of food)

2. Monitor your behavior.

3. Buddy up, and be accountable to a partner. ( Shout out to Wendy! Holla!)

She goes on to explain all of these priciples. She has scripture verses at the end of each chapter, helpful hints, good recipes, and fun stories about growing up. I am only halfway through the book!

About 10 years ago, I lost 70 pounds and then came....my baby weight. (remember my kids are adopted). I worried, stressed, and was looking for something to make me happy and nothing makes me happier than a cheeseburger, fries and dessert! I had focused on losing weight but I had not fixed the problem of food being an idol in my life. I am working on that now.

Candace doesn't deprive herself of anything. She just makes really healthy choices most of the time. She limits dessert to once or twice a week. Last night I had 1 cookie and I didn't feel too bad about it because I had such a good week and I still lost 4.5 pounds this week! I have 57 more pounds to lose to hit a personal goal that I have. Praying that I do it. If you struggle with this at all buy the book. It has been the best cheerleader yet!

Happy 5th birthday Ivy

2011-01-04T07:46:00.000-08:00

Ivy had a great 5th birthday on Chrsitmas Eve. She was pumped for it! We got up and opened presents and had P Dub's cinnamon rolls. We went to Panda Express for lunch (her favorite), went to the mall to ride the new train (which I always say no to), came home and she helped me make her birthday dessert (Chocolate Lush), Hollie came over and spent the night on Ivy's trundle bed (something she has always wanted Hollie to do....she reached over to grab Hollie's hand to hold it in the middle of the night). It was a great day remembering God's goodness to us and doing all of Ivy's favorite things.Representing IOWA!
Bracelet maker
Making Chocolate Lush
She wanted every picture to have a 5 in it.
Loving my birthday girl!

I Heart IKEA

2011-01-03T08:11:00.001-08:00

I was on a mission when Ivy and I went to Ikea to look at their sales. Ivy is loving to do crafts lately. She got a lot of craft stuff for Christmas and her birthday but the mess is driving me nuts! I wish I had taken a "before"picture of her desk area so that you could have seen how messy it was but I was too excited to clean it all up. I ended up getting this 6 drawer metal cabinet and it fits all of her craft supplies perfect! I love it! It is even on rollers so that she can wheel it over to her desk.

I wanted something cuter for my pens on my desk.
Do you notice by $7 lamp from Pottery Barn Kids that I got at a garage sale?
I have been wanting to get Lucy a crib pillow. I bought that and then needed a pillow case. This pillow case and comforter duvet was on sale for $9.99 and it matched her room.
Such a big girl cozy in her bed.
I got more wrapping paper that I could use year round. (red with white polka dots). I usually don't find so much at Ikea so Momma was happy all the way home! Except when I had to carry the filing cabinet to the parking structure and kinked up my neck. The price I pay......

Loveless Biscuits

2011-01-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

I have so many things to be writing about. Ivy's birthday, Christmas, what I am thinking about for the new year but today I want to talk biscuits. Oh yeah baby! These are the best biscuits ever! I had them at the Loveless Cafe in Nashville and they were AMAZING! I bought some of thier mix to make it at home and I was saving it for a special occasion. What better occasion than the day before I start my diet again? I had never rolled out biscuits before so here I went!Thinking of my friend Kelli. Wishing I was making these biscuits with her.

Ivy playing/ practicing with the extra dough. Why was there extra dough you ask? I don't know. I might have messed up a little bit.
Yum!!!
The. Best. Jam.
Lulu had 7 biscuits!

Didn't I say I was starting a diet?

Look who's turning 5!

2010-12-21T16:45:00.001-08:00

Christmas Eve Ivy turns 5! I can't believe it! She loves to go to the American Girl store at the Grove in Los Angeles. She never gets anything there. Haha. I always tell her that it is more of a special occasion store and since it isn't your birthday.... Well, today was the day. I took her down to the Grove and she picked out a little dog named Honey to give her American Girl doll, Emily, for Chritmas. She was so excited. One thing I will say about Ivy is that I tell her no alot when she wants something and she (almost) always says,"Yes Mom". So I was really excited today when I told her that Daddy said she could pick something out. It was really special to see her eyes get big as she walked around the store to pick something out. I will have to add a picture later of her and the dog since she put him in her room and Lulu is sleeping. I heart Ivy Elliott!

Gingerbread Men

2010-12-21T07:54:00.000-08:00

Kate and Ivy decorating.

The finished product. Jaden named his Gingerbread Man "David the Shepard" while Ty named his "Hairy Chest Man".
Playing dress up
Lucy with one of her "big brothers". These boys are so good with Lucy. They entertain her, play with her, make her laugh, but as I watch them they are always gentle with her. I love that. They told me that they wanted a baby sister (yeah Wendy! Haha) until Lulu took a nap upstairs and they had to be quiet and couldn't go in their room. I think it was then that they decided that seeing Lucy was enough. :)

P.S. The pictures were taken with my phone. Not the greatest.

Busy Weekend

2010-12-14T09:30:00.000-08:00

Lucy's Baby Dedication at churchIvy and Lucy waiting for Mom and Dad while we do sound checks for the Christmas concerts.
Matt conducting the PBC orchestra
I sang a song with Dan Waldeck and sang a solo, "I Believe" by Natalie Grant.
Aunt Hollie came to watch. Yeah!

Encino Estate Sale

2010-12-11T16:19:00.001-08:00

I went with my favorite shopping partner (a.k.a. Ivy E.) to an estate sale in Encino this afternoon. It was really spur of the moment. I was on my blog and clicked on estate sales to the right of my blog. (Tiffany, I thought of you!) I hadn't been to one in a while so it was so fun to jump in the car. We found some treasures. It was a fun one because they had a lot of vintage Christmas decor. (Kirra, I thought you would love it!)I LOVE this snowman. It might be my greatest treasure. It says 1949 on the bottom. They are both candles that I won't light but just enjoy. I turned down a mirror like this one before and regretted it. This one has two chips that I need to fix but otherwise, it is a nice one.
My girls have a Christmas tree in their room and I have always wanted one in my room. This little cutie was $5 and the perfect size for Matt to not get upset. All the ornaments you see are ones that Ivy picked out for her tree. She really had a good eye. I begged her for the little red bulb for my tree (after I told her she needed to use her own money, but decided to just buy them for her.) She said no but I could maybe borrow it for my tree next year. That little stinker! I really wanted it so I tried to guilt her into it but she wouldn't budge.
Hi little ornament that Mommy wants but can't have.....sigh
I got 2 jars. One is Kerr. I thought they would be cute with Christmas candy or something. Ivy was gracious enough to let me "borrow" her red ornament for this picture.

Ivy+ estate sale + Christmas = success!

Avila Beach

2010-12-10T08:43:00.000-08:00

Adoption has given me and my family so many special blessings. I am learning that if I let go a little bit and allow God to work then He shows me gifts that I didn't even think about. Over the last year, through facebook I have gotten to know Ivy's birth grandma. I am not going to lie, I was a little nervous at first. Even before we adopted Ivy, I had a friend tell me to be careful what kind of information I gave out because once you give it out, it is out there so you can never get it back. Since I am more of an "open book" I took that advice and was very guarded. After all, Ivy has AMAZING grandparents who have always loved her like I had given birth to her. They celebrate every birthday, Gotcha Day, visit and celebration. Ivy has a very full life. But Matt and I decided that we would be Facebook friends and through that I gained a beautiful friend. The thing about "Mammo" that I love is that she is so respectful of Matt and I. She is genuinely happy that we are Ivy's parents, I know that she loves us, and we never feel pressured by her/them. She is not pushy and if we can't meet her (which happened once before) she is fine with that (although I am sure disappointed). Mammo's respect of Matt and I as Ivy's parents won me over.

We got together and we felt like family right away. They had a birthday party for Ivy with birthday presents, her favorite cake, and a spagetti dinner that Ivy requested. Then we all got Christmas presents. The other thing that meant so much to me is that they treated Lucy like Ivy. Lucy got presents. Auntie Jennisah wanted to hold Lucy, I felt that Lucy was important and loved and I can't wait to see what that relationship will be like in the future. Lucy has no birth grandparents to love on as she grows up but she has a Mammo and Pappo.

The last thing that I loved is that their names are Mammo and Pappo . Haha. Not Grandma and Grandpa. Even though they are Ivy's grandparents too, I feel like they are set apart a little bit. She has two women that she loves to call Grandma and two amazing men that she loves to call Grandpa. Now she has two more people called Mammo and Pappo.

We went away loving how much our little girl was loved. She had a great day! Thank you Mammo and Pappo for a wonderful visit.

P.S. Pictures shared with their permission. :)
Getting $5 in her birthday card , plus $1 to grow on.
Opening matching PJ's for Christmas.
ALL of the Disney princess barbies. (she has played with them non stop ever since!)
Lucy getting her baby Snow White for Christmas
Watching the seals
Mammo explaining to Ivy
Mammo and Pappo with Ivy
Building a sand castle with Auntie Jennisah
Getting ready to blow out the candles on her cake. 6 candles for 1 to grow on.
Ivy in her new PJ's with Aunt Jennisah
Getting ready to say goodbye after a wonderful day.

Happy Sunday

2010-12-05T12:45:00.000-08:00

Christmas Gift Idea

2010-12-03T12:57:00.001-08:00

Here is another cute gift idea that my friend Kayce gave me. I made them after I sent packages to all the grandparents. Sorry rents,maybe next year! I painted Ivy's hand and had her place it on the Christmas bulb. The fingers became snowmen when I used a sharpie and drew on the scarfs and hats. She signed her name at the bottom. It comes with this poem:
These aren't just 5 snowmen

As anyone can see

I made them with my hand

Which is a part of me.

Now each year when you trim the tree

You'll look back and recall

Christmas of 2010

When my hand was just this small.

Remember this?

2010-11-28T08:15:00.001-08:00

Remember these pieces from an estate sale this summer?
Here is the finished product.

I still might move this piece upstairs to the playroom after Christmas.

Stopped Running

2010-11-27T08:27:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been running so hard that when you finally stop and listen to what the Lord is telling you, you are so ashamed and upset with yourself and feel so undeserving of His grace and mercy in your life? Well I do. I have been running for almost 2 weeks now.

Let me start by stating what I know about myself. I love to have a clean home, I like to cook, snuggle with my girls, take care of them when they are sick (they both have bad colds), check things off my to do list, I am NOT as flexible as I would like to be, I like to be comfortable in my little family of four. Well, the Lord flat out showed me that my family was to host 2 foster girls for 13 days. I am still in it. 3 days to go and it has been hard, uncomfortable and messy. Don't get me wrong. I have planned some wonderful things for all of the girls, from trips to the park, going out to dinner, new coloring supplies, gingerbread houses, baking, riding bikes,etc. But my spirit has been bad. I started to turn to complaining to all of my friends, etc...(don't want to rehash all of my complaining). Today I woke up early and although I have spent time with the Lord this week (in the midst of breaking up girl fights) I really spent time with Him and I feel like such a failure. I have shown these girls love, but I know I could have shown them so much more, I have shown them some symbol of patience but I could have been WAY more patient, I could have given more kisses and hugs, could have spent more time individually with each of them.

I think of bringing my gift to the alter, my gift of taking in 2 foster girls for 2 weeks and by my complaining spirit the Lord has thrown my sacrifice given to Him into the fire. It is burnt ashes to Him. Failure again. I wish I was different! I should be able to handle these situations from the Lord alot differently than I have. Here's another day, another chance to make a difference for the Lord and in 2 little girls lives.

Thanksgiving DIY Project

2010-11-16T19:11:00.000-08:00

My friend Kayce had a great idea from a blog today. Here is where I was going to insert the blog address but now I can't find which blog I used. Anyway, here are two blogs that you would LOVE! www.fingerprintsonthefridge.com and www.brownpaper--packages.blogspot.com I found it on one of those two. Sorry! Oh well, you will have fun browsing to find it!

All I did was photo copy her project and frame it in an antique frame that I had. She had used her home computer to copy the definition on burlap!

Thanksgiving Dinner

2010-11-14T06:31:00.000-08:00

I have been really excited to plan my menu this year for Thanksgiving. I think I narrowed it down (although I think I need to make something a little sweet or light...any ideas?) Here is what I decided:

Turkey

Very Best Sweet Potatoes (found at Tasty Kitchen)

Stuffing

Garlic Parmesan Green Beans (found at Tasty Kitchen)

Pumpkin Butter Gooey Cake

Then I brought alot of my favorite cook books to bed with me last night to find recipes for the leftover turkey so that we don't overload on turkey sandwhiches....even though I think Matt would kind of like that, I don't want to throw anything away. I am hoping to freeze or use 12 cups of leftover turkey.

Here is what I have planned:

Paula Deen's Turkey and Stuffing Casserole ( I am sure you can find it on Foodnetwork.com, I am using "Paula Deen Celebrates"

Turkey Shepard's Pie (Katie Lee Joel.... I have her website on the right of my blog)

Turkey Corn Chowder (from my Grandma Kitty's cook book. I will have to post this recipe at some point.)

Think on these recipes because you might be going to someone else's house where they give you some leftovers to take home. What are you guys making? Let me know!

Pumpkin Butter Gooey Cake

2010-11-09T07:26:00.000-08:00

Ok. Before we get any further into the holiday season, I have to share with you my favorite Thanksgiving/Fall dessert. It is from Paula Deen and it is our absolute favorite! Matt doesn't even want pumpkin pie anymore because this out does it for sure. I thought I would share the recipe. TRY IT! You will thank me for sure. It is Paula's pumpkin version of her famous gooey butter cakes.

Pumpkin Butter Gooey Cake

Cake:

1 18.25-oz. box yellow cake mix

1 egg

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter,melted

Filling:

1 8oz packaged cream cheese, softened

3 eggs

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1 16oz. box confectioner's sugar

1/2 cup (1 sick) melted butter

15 oz. can of pumpkin pie filling

Directions:

preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease 13x9x2 in. baking pan.

In the bowl of an electric mixer, combine cake mix, egg and butter and mix well. Pat into the bottom of prepared pan and set aside. Still using the electric mixer, beat cream cheese until smooth, add eggs and vanilla. Dump in confectioner's sugar and beat well. Reduce speed and add the rest of the ingredients and mix well.

Pour filling onto cake mixture and spread evenly. Bake for 40-50 minutes. You want the center to be a little gooey, so don't bake it past the point. (If I see the bottom cake looks done, I take it out. You want the top to be jiggly.)

Remove from the oven and allow the cake to cool completely. Cut into squares and don't forget to top with whip cream.

Even Paula says that you will never want pumpkin pie again! Tell me what you think if you try it! Enjoy!

A Blessing in Disguise

2010-11-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

OK....God is so amazing! He knits events together more fine tuned than any instrument. This was one of those times. I still had anxiety over a family member coming to get Lucy. I knew that DCFS was in the process of asking the grandparents, anunts and uncles....anyone related if they wanted to adopt the baby. So far everyone had turned DCFS down. (blood family or anyone who has a sibling has 1st priority before us).

On the flip side, the social worker is supposed to take a picture of the baby in the hospital to have on record. In the rush of it being 5pm they forgot to do it and asked us to send them a picture. Matt sent it to them.

What we didn't know was there was a single woman who was a lawyer in the LA area who had adopted Lucy's half brother. Turns out it wasn't one of Lucy's aunts that had adopted the last sibling at all! He was 14 months old. She had priority over us to adopt Lucy. Here she was, single with a 14 month old. She was stressing out because (like we have thought) if she didn't take the baby, what kind of family would get her but yet she didn't think that she could have handled 2 at the time.

They forwarded her the picture that Matt had sent and Matt's name was on it. (Which normally would have made us mad because that all is supposed to be confidential). She also saw that her old social worker's name was on the email so she called them and said, "What can you tell me about the Elliott family?" when they had said that we had a baby taken from us (that had happened to her too) so she said that she would not take the baby because she really wanted us to adopt her. She gave them her phone number for us to be able to call her. When I did she was so sweet. She told me all the information she knew on Lucy's birthfamily and she said, "I don't want to give you false hope but I had the easiest adoption and I think yours will be too."

To say that I was excited after talking to her was an understatment. She said that all she wanted was for her son to know Lucy. We have had dinner with her since. She always comes with a present for Lucy and is so sweet.

So to recap. God had DCFS forget to take a picture of the baby so that we had to send it so that it would be forwarded to Lucy's half siblings mom with our name on it and she recognized that we had used the same agency as her, we both had a bond of losing little girls and she wanted to do anything she could to help us adopt Lucy. I couldn't even dream it better than this.

Although it wasn't as smooth as "L" had said it would be, I had hope. I thanked God, He didn't need to give me such reasurance but He gave me enough that I had peace to give some love to this little peanut , faithfully praying that God would allow me to be her mom.

Starting Again......

2010-11-04T07:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry that this had taken me so long! I am going to get better and get this story over with! Haha. It is hard with a 14 month old climbing on me and Ivy wanting me to brush her doll's hair. Getting back in the swing of things with school, grades due, AWANA verses to learn, Cubbie patches to sew on....yada yada yada but I love to blog so I am commited to getting better. Believe me?

Ivy was REALLY excited to see us when we walked in the door with the baby. Hollie said that she fell apart when she picked her up from Wendy's. I had told her Hollie was going to get her but ,again, in her little 3 year old mind she thought that when we didn't pick her up was because we were adopting someone else and so we weren't coming back to get her. KILL ME! I HATED that she felt that way and I reassured her every chance that I could. We never told her that we were going to adopt this baby or this baby would be her sister. We told her we would pray about it and ask God if she could stay. The only thing that made me feel better was knowing that she would forget all about that someday.

I was fighting the urge to know more about this supposed aunt that had adopted the last baby and it made me not want to give my whole heart to this baby. I just looked at her wondering if she was going to stay. If she did stay, I didn't want to regret not having moments with her but if she left, I kind of had a wall up. I was willing to do either. I could feel my weariness setting in. Weariness with all these kids coming through our house, weariness in watching Ivy, the toll on Matt and I. I had to deal with some things at work where God was showing me some sin in my life and I was dealing with that...and I was tired. This was going to be the year of just hanging on. But... along the way God gave me things that encouraged my heart so much and one of the biggest ones helped me bond more with Lucy. "L." entered the picture. She shed light on our situation with Lucy and gave us major hope that she would be ours. Only God could have orchastrated the next events taking place. It was a huge reminder that God is so awesome that we couldn't even dream up the events like He had them playing out.

More Nashville

2010-10-28T13:36:00.001-07:00

The Ryman is where they had the Opry until they could fix the flood damage at the Grand Ol Opry.

The store Lulu. I wanted to get something for Lucy but it was too expensive. Kelli score her a little bag that said Lulu though.
Painting treasure boxes.
Christ Communtiy Church in Franklin. Alot of Christian singers attend there, like Steven Curtis Chapman. His dauther's funeral was held here.
Lucy pickin' at the dinner table.
Crazy Ben Iverson
Ivy and Karli
Ivy went to gymnastics with Karli. Emily Chapman Richards (Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter) is the DIL to the owner's.
Jon and Kelli's house. My home for 8 days.
relay races in the backyard
Kelli introducing Lulu to Daisy
I had such a great time in Tennessee. It was so great to spend so much time with my friend Kelli and seeing her beautiful town. I enjoyed church, getting to know her friends, sight seeing, eating and relaxing. Great memories!

Ivy's Gotcha Day!

2010-10-27T07:59:00.001-07:00

Gotcha Day- The day you go to court to finalize your adoption. This was 4 years ago today, going to court to adopt Ivy Emma Elisabeth Elliott.Ashley Kostjuk came with us to take pictures.
Ivy with her stuffed animal from the Judge.
Mommy crying on the way home looking at her favorite girl.
The "official" Elliott family.

I never knew how much this day was really going to mean. By this time I knew that Ivy was going to be ours but to hear the Judge really say it brought tears to our eyes. I mean it when I say that there is no one like Ivy. She is one of a kind. These have been the best 4 years of my life.

I asked Ivy if she wanted to spend the day at Disneyland today to celebrate. She said ,"Mom you know that our Gotcha place is Chuck E. Cheese with my friends." So we are going to squezze it in before AWANA. I'm glad to do it. Love you my big girl!

Good Eats

2010-10-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

The food in Tenessee was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! I gained 3 glorious pounds that I didn't even mind. Here are some highlights...The Loveless Cafe in Nashville. Alot of celebrities talk about it. Kelli took me there for my birthday ( she had also bought me the restaraunt's cook book.) They are most famous for their biscuts ( I bought the mix before I left at their store). The biscut lady ( who has since passed away) was featured on Paula Deen's show. I tried grits for the first time. Lucy went to town on those biscuts!

Then there was my favorite BBQ, Puckett's. I LOVED it! We ate there twice! They are known for their pork and fried chicken. They have live music at night.
Pulled pork, 1 spare rib, sweet potatoe fries and a ho cake.
I was really excited to have a cupcake at famous Naticakes. It was my luck that 2 weeks before I came, they changed locations to their nati creme location where they serve frozen yogurt. They hadn't moved everything over from their old location so I missed out on a cupcake.
Then...(don't laugh)...there was Sonic. Ahhhhh...the slushies were my favorite treat. I talked Kelli into going there a couple times also. I know it seems like we ate out alot but we were always on the go sight seeing and I wanted to cram in as much as I could in a short amount of time. Thus, the 3 pounds.....but it was FUN!

Franklin,Tennessee

2010-10-19T08:08:00.001-07:00

There are so many things that I can talk about when talking about my trip to Franklin. The girls and I had such a great time. My friend Kelli was so hospitable for the whole week. She took me everywhere that I wanted to go. I have so many things to show you and talk about my trip so I thought I would do it by catagories. Here are a few pictures of the town.Kelli's neighborhood.
Downtown Main Street

The driveway to Kenny Chesney's house.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2010-10-08T11:24:00.001-07:00

Taking a little break. I'm leaving tomorrow with the girls to fly to Nashville to visit my friend Kelli and her family. Matt left today to Oregon for his grand dad's funeral so we will be spread out all over the country. Please pray for the funeral tomorrow (wish I was there) and for my flight with the girls. Pray that Lucy gets her own seat and that we make our connecting flight (have only 50 minutes between the 2 ), pray that she is in a good mood.....haha but seriously...pray! I'm sure I will have lots to blog about when I get back!

Bringing Home Baby

2010-10-06T13:21:00.001-07:00

I sat at the table visiting with Wendy while the girls were playing. I remember that we had such a good, encouraging time talking about the Lord. I told her where the Lord had convicted my heart and how peaceful I was with everything going on. As she was leaving I told her that we would talk later in the day.

About 3 o'clock in the afternoon the phone rang, it was the matcher from our agency. She said that she had a hispanic 5 day old baby girl. This was the birthmom's 7th baby and she didn't have custady of any of them. No other family members (at the time) wanted the baby. If we wanted her then we had to be at a hospital in downtown LA by 5pm. I called Matt on my cell phone while I had her on the home phone line. He said," I think we should do it." I said, "really Ok." The matcher told us to hurry and she would meet us at the hospital.

I called Wendy and said I needed to drop Ivy off at her house, I called my sister to tell her to pick Ivy up at Wendy's, I called my neighbor and she came over to set up the cradle and get diapers, etc. ready for when we got home. Ivy said that she didn't want to go with us because she didn't want to go to the hospital to get adopted by someone. (Another result of Ivy's wrong thinking about this whole process that I had to re explain to her...she also freaked out when Hollie picked her up from Wendy's because she thought we weren't coming back because we went to adopt a baby. Let me also explain that I DID NOT tell Ivy that we were going to the hospital to adopt a baby. I told her that we were going to take care of a baby and we would pray if we got to adopt her but we might not. ) I made sure that at bedtime I spent time with her letting her know that she was here to stay but we didn't know if the baby was. This was one reason why we did foster care when she was young, so that she wouldn't remember any of this.

The Lord was so gracious because there was NO heavy traffic and we were going to downtown Los Angeles at rush hour. We called our friends and family on the way down to the hospital and pulled in right at 5pm. We walked into "not the most glamorous" hospital and they ushered us into the room. There were 3 newborn babies in the room waiting to be picked up by social workers and foster families. I looked at all 3. My eyes caught hold of one baby, I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl but it was definaely the prettiest. I wispered to Matt," I hope that one is ours" ......and she was. So peaceful and beautiful. Matt and I held her. (The picture above is when Matt was holding her and I snuck a picture.) It was hard for me not to get my hopes up but we were definately cautious, that is why I don't have tons of pictures. We had done this 2 other times.

The nurses talked alot, asking if we wanted to adopt her. They said they thought that she would be ours. Then they said, "I think her last baby was adopted by an aunt and I don't know if they got a hold of her yet...." I froze. Every other time a child had been taken from Matt and I , it was a family member. I started to get nervous, but then I remembered my prayer...whoever until whenever. I silently told the Lord that I would keep my end of the bargain.

36

2010-10-05T07:54:00.000-07:00

My birthday was coming up in 2 weeks and I would be 37. I was not thrilled, not because I was scared to be 37 (which is good because now I am 38) but because I had always prayed that I would be done having kids by 36. When I was about 26, I saw this lady who was pregnant and she was 36 and I thought that I wanted that to be my cut off age. I am not saying in any way that you are too old to have a baby after the age of 36 and I have had some "not so kind at the time" people tell me that it is not too old. I am just saying that 36 was my number...my desire to stop.

I will say that after the summer I had with D and I leaving us and still no baby I was reluctantly saying to the Lord, "Ok Lord, your timing, I got it, yada yada yada...." Then Wendy told me about this blog that I had to read. www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com It was about a girl in Uganda that was in her early 20's who left a comfortable life in Nashville and is a missionary. She has adopted like 13 kids and she is like 22. She had children with Aids living with her and she has cared for some until their death. I was so convicted! Here I was not wanting to be 37 with a newborn and Katie had given up her life to help these children with no mother. I repented to the Lord and made a promise to Him....whoever for however long. Here is my journal entry during that time....

August 29,2009

"........A couple things have been going through my mind lately. First, is what Pastor Scott said in his sermon last week. He said that what you do with Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind....." decides the kind of Christian you will be in the next 3 years. Wow!

Also, I read the above blog about this 20 year old missionary named Katie Davis. I had tears rolling down my face thinking about my life. I am nothing like Katie. I am an adoptive mom and I am still nothing like her.

So many thoughts are running through my head. I am turning 37 in less than a month. I had prayed and had it in my head that I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 36. I have even entertained the thought of only having Ivy because I was getting older.

This Katie Davis showed me how selfish, worldly, unbiblical I am. Lord, THANK YOU FOR THIS BLOG!!!! I don't want to be of this world in the next 3 years! I want to be used! I need to make time for God to mold me through His word.

I feel ashamed that God has not given me another child because now I feel like I have not been ready. Thank you God for knowing what is best. To be coninued....."

I wrote that entry and then the next day came....a day I was so in love with the Lord.... a day where I was so at peace with His perfect plan for my life...THE day... I . met. my . daughter.

side note( I started a journal around the time of losing Sissy. I really don't write in it too often but I thought that while I was going through trials that it was good to look back and see what the Lord was doing in my life. I also think about my girls everytime I write in it. That they will read these words someday. See that I knew the times that I failed with them but that I always wanted to do better and that I was always striving to know Jesus more. It is for me and for them.)

Two

2010-10-02T08:01:00.000-07:00

Wendy told me that I was crazy! Matt and I had waited and around the end of May we were ready to move on. We stuck to our original plan of 1-2 kids. Wendy said I could only handle one, but I said I thought I could definately do 2. We had said no to a couple of situations and then we got a call for a 2 year old girl and a 2 week old boy. There was a drug bust at the house and the kids were home.

Matt and I went down to pick the kids up. ( D and I) D. was the 2 year old little girl with bouncing curls everywhere and I. was a sleeping 2 week old baby boy. I don't think that D. understood a lot of english and just stared at me alot. When we got to the DCFS office they told us that the parents wanted the kids but they didn't think they had a chance of getting them. I immediately got nervous, they said that we didn't need to take them. Matt and I looked at each other. Well.....these kids needed a home and we weren't going to leave them here at 7pm at an office in downtown LA!

We ended up having them for 2 weeks and it was a LONG two weeks. D. slept with me and would cry in the middle of the night. Matt slept downstairs with I. to feed him in the middle of the night. I had to take them to some visits with thier birthparents. D. would scream as I pryed her away from her dad. I cried a lot. Ivy and I didn't have the best relationship during that time. Everything that had been hers, she was now sharing with another girl. My patience level was running on empty.

I prayed alot during this time. Here I was with 3 kids and I didn't know if 2 of them were mine. or not. It was ruining my relationship with Ivy fast! I knew that we would NEVER give any kids back so I was like, "Lord, if this is my life I am going to fight to make the best of it and I know it will get easier." I don't know how to explain it but I never felt like those 2 were mine. I didn't cry when they left (they went to their sister's house) but I felt bad again that these 2 kids were going back to the same environment.

I learned alot from those 2 weeks like it might be better to have kids that were alot younger than Ivy, so that she was still the top dog....even one might be nice :) I learned more about myself. I wish that I was the type a person that took in tons of kids and thought the more the merrier. I thought that I was selfish if I wasn't like that but the truth is I need to be a good steward to who I know is mine for sure and that was Ivy. I am not the most patient person and I need to create an environment that brings the most peace to my home. I am not the care free whatever happends to my home is Ok but I create order and structure. I hope that makes sense. Wendy could see it in me. I just wanted to be a mom again. I felt like blurring the lines to achieve what I wanted was kind of OK. But God wanted my best.

I had one more thing to work through before the Lord would grant me the desire of my heart. Enter Katie Davis......

One Sad Day

2010-09-30T07:28:00.000-07:00

I thought that we were all doing really good since Sissy had left. I told people (which I still believe) that the Lord was really gracious to us and even though we were still sad, the three of us were moving on.

On this particular day, Ivy and I had had a really good day together. I was home from work and we had cleaned and played. I was sitting on my bed and Ivy came in and said (very a matter of fact) "I don't want you to be my mom." I said, "What?" she said it again....with no emotion. I said," Ivy, why would you say that? I love being your mom and that hurts my feelings." I started to act like I was about to cry to see if she would melt and say she didn't mean it but she still said it. The more we talked, I eventually did start to cry for real. She wasn't saying it in a mean way at all, she was just stating a fact. Finally, I told her to go sit on her bed and think about why she was saying that. She just walked to her room with no emotion, not angry, sad or anything.

Just then Matt called. I started to tell him about it and he wanted to talk to her. She kept saying it to him and then she fell apart and started crying saying," I don't want her to be my mom because I don't want to be adopted. I don't want to be adopted Dad." Let me tell you how scared I was. This was completely out of character. The girl LOVES being adopted. She gets presents on her Gotcha Day and she loves to celebrate it. She wouldn't stop crying so I told Matt that we needed to go. I just sat on the floor with her and hugged and kissed her. At first I tried explaining that she couldn't be adopted because she already was but she kept saying that she didn't want to be adopted over and over. Matt was so scared that he left work and came home and the 2 of us sat on the floor hugging and holding her , finally telling her that she didn't need to be adopted. I was so scared. We were probably on the floor for 45 minutes.

It scared me that all this time she had been carrying around this fear in her little 3 year old mind that she might leave us and be adopted. It broke my heart. I was so worried about her. I began to wonder what else she was thinking and didn't say. Later we explained to her that Sissy was never adopted and when you are you are with our family forever. We think she got it. I watched her more, took more time to explain things to her.

By the way, that night as I laid in bed with her, she told me that she was glad I was her mom. I was continullay praying that the Lord would continue to take care of us. We were getting ready for another bumpy, if not brief ride on this roller coaster of fost adopt. The Lord was getting ready to teach me another lesson....

One Chapter Ends

2010-09-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

Matt had went to court on a day that we didn't know if much would happen. The ruling had been postponed so many times and so many times we thought Sissy was leaving and then she wasn't. He called me to tell me the news, she was leaving but the grandparents didn't have their home ready to take her so we had to keep her until they were done. We didn't understand it. Why hadn't they been working on that all along? We had had enough. Now we had to keep her and look at her everyday knowing that she was leaving.

I think it being dragged out helped me in wanting a final resolution...whatever it was going to be. We started to tell Ivy a couple of times that she was leaving but she was too young to get it. Finally the day came. I cried as I packed up all of her things. Part of me wanted to keep her up from her nap to spend as much time as I could with her but I decided to give her what she needed and that was a nap. Matt stayed home from work, Hollie came to get Ivy so that she wouldn't be here. I packed up all of her things with her little black baby doll and toys. I wrote a letter to the grandparnets telling them how much we loved her, telling them when she liked to sleep with her baby and what music she listened to as she went to sleep. We had told Ivy that she wouldn't see Sissy again but she was so excited to get to spend the day with Hollie that she barely said goodbye. Matt and I sat alone in the living room, praying together. Asking God to give us comfort and peace, asking Him to take care of Ivy, and praying that He would save Sissy one day and bring her to heaven.

The social worker came and gave us a gospel CD because she knew we were Christians and that we were musical. She kept saying that she was sorry, that she could see this family going back to the system. I told her to let us know if she was ever put in foster care again. Then I handed her over and she left. We went and got Ivy and( I think) we took her swimming. We took a break from foster care to have a care free month or two void of social workers and that kind of responsibility. Going from two kids (and a baby at that) back to one made me feel like I was on vacation. Ivy and I did alot of fun stuff. She was handling Sissy leaving really well (so we thought). I had given her a rag doll that looked like Sissy that she still sleeps with to this day. We named it Sissy babes. Whenever she missed Sissy she could hug her Sissy babes.

Everything was going fine until one day I got a little glimpse into what was in Ivy's pretty little head.....

Heartache

2010-09-26T06:34:00.000-07:00

I was going to wait a couple of days before I wrote again but I heard Lucy talking away in her crib early this morning and it woke me up. I started to think about this next part of the story and so I needed to come down here and write. I don't like to think about this next part too much and there is alot that I can't explain ( don't miss what I wrote yesterday...I know...writing 2 days in a row..you can't stand it! haha)

We were getting the feeling like we were going to lose Sissy which put Matt and I in the situation where we didn't want to be. The case was getting dragged out and we felt like we were babysitting her. The Judge was giving the grandparents a long time to get things done that he had required. They weren't getting it done in the time that he said but he kept postponing it for them. Then... Matt and I had something MAJOR happen that affected our family. I can't really say anymore than that (and I know I know you hate it when people say this kind of stuff, but remember when I made my blog private and then public and I said things like this would happen to protect people and their feelings? This is one of those times.)

What I can tell you is that something happened that affected me, Matt and Ivy and it leveled me to the ground. Why bring it up? Because I want to focus on how I got through it. When this happened I feel like you can't get anymore to the bottom than where I was. Sad doesn't even begin to explain my feelings. I didn't think I could get out of bed the next day. I was mad that Ivy got hurt, I was mad that something like this would happen in the middle of losing Sissy, I felt betrayed by a number of people, I felt like my family was talked about, I looked at myself and saw that I was not blameless and.... I looked at God.

I wouldn't say that I was mad at God. I am too fearful of Him to be down right mad but I felt really hurt by Him. I couldn't take (or so I thought) any more of what He was dishing out. The small number of people who knew what we were going through had no words for us. I didn't want to wake up but I had to be strong for Ivy and act like I was OK. After I had asked God why He allowed this to happen for the 1,000th time, I finally had to look at reality. There was nothing else to do. I felt like He was saying to me "Kelli, I made my decision and it is not going to change. Now what are you going to do?"

This is why I bring this whole thing up because really when it comes to telling Lucy's story I could easily skip this part. I thought I trusted God ( I still think I did, do whatever) but I always trusted Him when I could understand why He did what He did. I know I couldn't get pregnant because He had wanted me to adopt, I knew Matt lost His job 2x because the Lord had an even better job and He wanted to teach us to trust Him....and Matt and I always strived to trust Him and to honor Him in our trials but this was below the belt in my simple terms, I couldn't see how this situation helped anyone involved.

So what did I do? First, through my heavy tears I told the Lord that I would trust Him. (NOT an easy one for sure) Then I started to think of all the things I thought about God. That He was Sovereign and that He providentially allowed this to happen.

God's Providence- "God continually and sovereignly works in absolutely everything that happens and thus directs all creatures and events to accomplish His purposes."

Did I believe that all of this was true or not? It was easier to believe when you could see why this was for our good .

Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."

But what about when you couldn't see it? I CHOSE to have FAITH in Him.

Matthew 17:20 " He said to them, Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you,, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain,'Move from here to there', and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

It also showed me something else. All this time I thought that there was no way that the Lord would take Sissy away and put her right back in the situation she was before. Why would the Lord take her away and put her in a family where she might not hear the gospel, where it was not a safe environment, where grandparents would raise her and she would be without a sister and 2 parents? Why would He give her to us for 9 months and let Ivy love her so much? But now I knew, it was yet another thing that didn't make sense and He was starting to show me that this is what was about to happen.

Friends, we ALL have some sort of belief in God. You believe something about Him. He does what He is going to do, He is who He says He is, He knows what is for our good even before we do. If you don't know Him like this, I urge you to get to know Him. I must say that when I was hurting so bad, I felt His love and faithfulness. He showed me His tender mercies through my hurt. I looked at my loving husband and beautiful daughter that were given to me out of His goodness to me and I know that no matter what happened in the future, it was for my good and He would get me through. He was about to do it again......

My New Normal

2010-09-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

Ok. Sorry I took such a long break. I know there are some faithful readers out there. I had things to do like taking Ivy to Disneyland, work, cleaning...and honestly there are so many parts to this story that it seems a little overwhelming as what to write.

UPDATE: For those of you joining the story late, even though this is Lucy's adoption story, I am starting WAY back to where we became foster parents and showing what we went through and what the Lord taught us. Sissy is the foster daughter that we had the longest. It is NOT Lucy ( I know, it can get confusing) The story left off when I had to start taking Sissy to visits with her birthmom.

At first Sissy's birthmom started to see her pretty consistantly. Also around the same time, the Judge ordered for Matt and I to start letting the grandparents have overnight visits with her every weekend. So that meant on my 2 days off a week, I would drive to Chatsworth (about a half hour away) to let her birthmom visit her, I was also babysitting a boy named Tate on those days so I would bring Tate, Ivy and Sissy to Chatsworth. Do something with Tate and Ivy for an hour and a half then drive home. Then we would drop Sissy off on Friday nights and pick her up on Sundays. The grandparents would come out here to pick her up and they were usually an hour late. All of thses visits ran our lives. We also had social workers come to the house and court appointments. I look back and don't know how we did it all but I was praying so hard that she would be ours. I was trying to do everything by the book so they could not accuse us of anything. They wanted her back so bad that I didn't trust what they would say about us to get her. They questioned me a couple of times about her health and I would try not to get upset. She did get sick alot but it had nothing to do with me. I WANTED to say to them that it was because their daughter had done things while pregnant that made it to where her immune system was shot but what I DID say was OK, I will keep an eye on it and take her to the Dr.

One day while taking Sissy to a visit with her birthmom, her mom brought a friend named Shooter to the visit. She said," this is Jimmy but we call him Shooter". I said," hi Shooter". I think they were high. He kept talking to Ivy and Ivy wasn't having it. I was like...get me outta here! All the time thinking that this was going to be Sissy's environment if she left our home. This was a world I never hung around as a kid. It actually made me thankful to the Lord in the sense that I saw what I was spared from as a kid, what Matt had been spared from, what Ivy had been spared from. I never hung around people like this as a kid and I couldn't imagine it happening.

Sissy's birthmom was not allowed to see her unsupervised but no one was checking during the weekends to make sure that she was staying away. One day while waiting for court she let it slip that she had seen her. What a contrast to go from our home during the week and then their house on weekends.

As the months went by it got harder and harder to give her up. I quit doing it. As Matt would hand her over to her grandpa, she would reach for Matt and try to jump back in his arms. No thank you. I couldn't see it anymore. She was starting to get who we were and it was going to get harder. The Lord started to use that so that we were both ready for something to happen. We thought we were going to lose her right before Christmas, I had all of her things packed but the Judge kept her here. It gave us a little hope. Something had to be done soon.

Something was done soon. Something I thought would never happen. The Lord really wouldn't do it would He? But before that would happen we would experience even more hardache.

Ivy's Pumpkin

2010-09-20T10:50:00.001-07:00

Last night Matt called me at church and told me that I needed to call home. When I called he said that Ivy had fallen outside and got really banged up and that she needed to talk to me. When she got on the phone she said, "MOM! I fell and dad did NOT take good care of me. He didn't do what you would do and you need to come home right now and help me!!!" Actually, he probably did MORE than what I would have done but my baby needed me so when I was done singing, I stopped by Trader Joe's and got my baby a pumpkin because she has been begging me for one and I rushed home to give her some TLC that only a Mama can give.

Today she begged me to take pictures of her with her pumpkin. Lucy got a mini one but she could care less if she has a picture or not. Here is some photos from our mini photo shoot.

Meeting Ummm....Her

2010-09-15T09:24:00.000-07:00

I want to be careful how I say this. I want to be honest and tell the story like it was exposing my wrong thinking and what I really thought (and what you would have thought to) I wasn't going to post today since it is my birthday and I was going to enjoy my girls but the Lord brought to my mind a conversation I had after meeting Sissy's birthmom that I should share. Here is complete honesty.

I had never been to the DCFS office before. I had to drive a half hour to get there and I knew that I wasn't going to go alone for the first time. I had told Wendy that if Matt wasn't able to go that she WAS going with me and she had no choice in the matter. Turns out that Matt wanted to meet her to so we went together. I knew that Sissy's birthmom was getting pressure from her parents to have these visits. I think that at this time they were draggin their feet trying to adopt her and they thought they could get their daughter to try to do the right thing. The social worker had some papers that she needed the birthmom to have so she gave it to Matt to give to her. We prayed before we went in that the Lord would give us wisdom on how we should be and get us through it.

They brought us into a private room where there was a "man" sitting there. Matt and I looked at "him" and was looking at each other like "what are we doing here"? Then the social worker intoduced us to her. She was dressed like a man, had her hair buzzed like a man, I saw her tatoos and scars from cutting herself. We knew she was a lesbian but had no idea. Matt was so stunned he handed me the papers to hand to her. I introduced myself and tried to put her at ease. She definately looked at us as the enemy. Then came the hardest part of all....I had to hand Sissy over to her and leave her there. I smiled and tried to get to the car as fast as I could before I started crying.

So that is who Sissy had been taken from? That is who she had been living on the streets with when she would get in a fight and be taken from her grandparents? I had only had her for a short time and I loved her already. YUCK! At that time, I knew for sure that we would get to keep her because there was NO WAY that the Lord would want her with THAT when she could have us. (OK..I had some growing to do.)

A while after that first visit, I had talked to Ivy's birthmom. The Lord (again) used that conversation. I was still pretty disgusted and she told me of a girl she knew that was just like that. Let me tell you how much I love Ivy's birthmom, I have a supernatural love for her. Her simple coversation reminded me that without any of these women I would not be a mom. Sissy's birthmom needed to know Jesus, she needed my love and prayers and even though it was going to be a challenge, I am not going to lie, something is a little "off" with her, I know that I was put in her path to pray for that whole family. It became easier to see what I could do for them to show them Jesus Christ, to take care of Sissy, BEG the Lord that she would still be ours. I prayed that I would give her the love that she needed and if it all ended in heart break then I had the Lord to take care of me.

I also thought of all the LOST people that I would encounter at the DCFS office. I hated going there and I would make many trips but I also became extremely thankful to the Lord for saving me. Without Him that could be me. I sure saw the ugliness of the world and sin in that place.

Let me end by saying this. Please don't think that I am this super holy woman who always has the perfect biblical outlook on this situation. Far from it! I love it that I can share what I have learned but as you read all that I have learned, I remember constant failure and having to repent of my sinful attitude and outlook. The Lord did a number on me. It got a whole lot worse before it got better (as you will read). People say, " I don't know how you did it." Either do I except for Jesus. He got me through.

It's my birthday today and all I can think about was last year when I had a 2 week old baby girl that I didn't know if we would get to keep and now she is my daughter. God is so good ALL THE TIME!

The Months with Sissy

2010-09-14T08:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry that it has taken me so long to write. My parents were here for a short weekend visit and I have been dealing with an attack of ants in my kitchen! Ugh! Ok....where were we?

The social worker called me and told me that Sissy's grandma and grandpa had shown up for a visit with her. They thought they were going to DCFS for a meeting and when they showed up, the baby was taken from them. The social worker said that the grandma was histerical to be away from her granddaughter and not know who we were or where she was so she gave the grandma our home phone number (standard practice but we said cell phone so they couldn't track our house...DCFS screwed up again). The grandma called and was crying. I was torn. They wouldn't tell us why Sissy had been taken so I didn't know who this lady was but at the same time I felt for her. Here her only granddaughter was with foster parents (and we have all heard the horror stories). I reassured her that she was eating and sleeping well. She called for the next couple of days crying and pretty soon she would only call once a week. You could tell it was killing her.

The court determined that we would start to have weekly visits with them. Once they met us, they knew that we were a great family. I gently talked to her a couple of times about the relationship we COULD have if Matt and I kept the baby, hoping that the Lord would use those words to help them see that Sissy staying with us was in her best interest. They agreeed for a while telling the court that they didn't want to adopt her and that we could. Everything was going great until they changed their minds. I ultimatley think that they just didn't trust us. Everyone, including their own daughter had lied to them so why would they believe us? They didn't believe that we would let them see her. I was already having to take Sissy to visits with them every week but I was about to enter into something harder....the visits with Sissy's birthmom.

Our First Placement: Sissy

2010-09-08T12:15:00.000-07:00

Like I said before, we always gaged what situation or child we would take against what was best for Ivy. There were a lot of times that we said no. For instance, if it looked like any family members wanted to "fight" us for the baby, we would say no. Actually that was really the main reason we would say no. There was a couple of times our matcher would get frustrated with us but we cared too much about what situation was best for Ivy.

There were actually times that we said yes but it didn't pan out. We didn't get too discouraged, trusting that the Lord had the right child for our family. We spent the whole summer waiting. I would say that we got a call every few weeks. Then I went back to school. It was my first day back. I had meetings all morning and during my lunch break the matcher called me, she said that she had a 3 month old baby girl. She told me the baby was caucasian and was born to a homeless mother. The birth dad was MIA. The birth mom was an addict and possibly bi- polar. I called Matt and had both phones going at the same time. (I NEVER made this decision without Matt. I didn't care if he made it without me but I wanted him to have the final say.) Matt and I decided to go for it. I left work early to prepare for the baby.

Let me interject here and tell you that no situation is EXACTLY how it is portrayed and this one was WAY off. Do I regret it? NO WAY. The matcher tells you exactly what DCFS has told them the situation is but there is always more to the story and in this case , they had it all wrong. Also, remember that they need to find a home for these kids by the end of the day. Once it is decided that these kids are taken away from their family or whoever, they need a home to go to so a lot of times they make the situation sound really good.

OK....so remember what they had told me about the baby and situation? Well...the social worker called me and said she was here. I walked out to meet her at the car and she said," You have a little pumpkin on your hands." When she got the baby out she was the most beautiful African American baby. I thought,"Did she go to the right place?" The most priceless face of the whole evening was when I turned the corner with the baby to show Matt and Ivy and Matt's eyes bugged out of his head. hahaha! They didn't even have the race of the baby right!

That didn't matter to us but what did matter was that she was not the baby of a homeless girl but the baby had been living with her grandparents this whole time and something in the home made it not safe for the baby to be there. As more facts came out we realized that these grandparents very much wanted their grandbaby back. That is not the situation we signed up for! However, we both felt like we had made the right decision with the facts we were given. Yes, we could have given her back but she needed us, I think her grandparents needed us, I knew that our home would be a better home for her and I was praying that she was going to be ours.

This was the start of 9 long months. I would not be the same woman, Christian and mother after these 9 months. Ivy would not be the same little girl and Matt would change too. This was the start of a few examples during this time period where I just frankly don't understand what God was doing. Yes, if this situation or another would have worked out then I probably wouldn't have Lucy but I met pain like I never thought I would feel. I had questions for the Lord that were left unanswered.....so what do you do? I decided to trust Him, to cling to Him when it hurt so bad, I decided to let go of the why. Did I believe He had a plan for my life or not? Did I believe that He had my good in mind with every situation? If the answer was yes then I had to let go, and I did. I am not extra spiritual He brought me to my knees with nothing else to comfort me but Him.

When you think about it, God let His Son die on the cross for our sins and it hurt Him to watch but it needed to happen. I felt that when I was hurting so bad, He was hurting for me too but He knew I had to go through it. That is His faithfulness. The journey is to be continued....

Tori Spelling: My early birthday present

2010-09-05T20:01:00.000-07:00

Wendy,Ashley and I with Tori Spelling
Me with Tori and Dean.

I was celebrating my birthday a little early with my friends Ashley and Wendy. Who did we meet? Tori Spelling and her husband, Dean McDermott. What a great early birthday present!

Getting Certified

2010-09-03T07:24:00.000-07:00

Getting certified for foster care or fost adopt is a lot of work. Can I hear an Amen from the people who have done it? I hear so many people say that they might want to do foster care or fost adopt because they are financially hurting and that they want to adopt a baby, but they only want an easy situation and don't really want to do much with the process. Basically, they want a baby handed to them, they don't want to pay anything, and they don't want any complications.

Well...it doesn't work that way. Now, don't get me wrong, Matt and I were having a hard time figuring out how we were going to afford to adopt another baby. Adopting costs alot of money. I am thankful yet again, that the Lord deals with Matt and I concerning our finances to help us make decisions. We have always said that we would not go into more debt adopting a baby. (I don't think it's wrong if people do but we felt strongly that we shouldn't.) To adopt for "free" definately had it's appeal but we knew that it was going to be alot of work also.

We took a training for 6 weeks plus we had to get a home study done, you have Dr. appointments,CPR and First Aid cert., home inspections, interviews, you have to child proof your house on overload (not only that but they surprise check your house through out the year while you have a foster child). They teach you about the rules, abused kids...etc. They really want you to know what you are getting into, but then are quick to say that you won't really get it until you do it. A lot of it was hard for Matt and I as Christians because we didn't agree with a lot of the phychology that went with their explanations. But those classes helped us form our view of what we would take in our home and what we wouldn't. We always had Ivy in mind and what was best for her. I remember Wendy telling me,"You need to be a good steward of what God has given you and you know that God has given you Ivy as your daughter so you need to do what is best for her." It was always good to gauge every situation as to what would be best for Ivy.

The other important thing to remember is that in foster care and fost adopt, the goal in the system is to reunify the child with their birth family. You might clearly have a family that would be a better environment for the child but that doesn't matter to the court.They take all emotion out of their decision.

Well....this was again the start of Matt and I living out our theology. We both believe that God is Sovereign. He has everything under control. Everyone is placed where they should be for how long He decides. There is something so freeing in that because I could let it go and give it all to God. If there was ever going to be a fourth member of the Elliott family, He already knew it and He would bring him or her in due time. I am not saying that I never struggled because I did. Not that I ever stopped believing that He was Sovereign but I had fear in what He was going to decide. You will see that later.

I am sitting here typing away looking at Ivy playing at my feet and Lucy eating blueberries next to me. God is so good. Now that I told you about the roller coaster we got on to get certified, hang on because the ride was just taking off!

And the Story Continues.....

2010-09-01T10:56:00.000-07:00

As I said yesterday, Matt and I both said that we would never do foster care as a way of adopting. But 3 years ago in November I started to watch the Dave Thomas (the Wendy's guy) Adoption special called "Home for the Holidays" It has celebrities who have been adopted or who have adopted their children on it and they also showcase older kids in the system who need a home and share people's adoption stories. I LOVE this show and I watch it every year!

3 years ago I got to thinking about America. You never hear about orphanages so where are all these kids at? I googled it and I found out that they were all in foster care. I got on a website and saw the most beautiful boy. His name was Everett. He was 4 at the time and I went into the living room to talk to Matt. I said, "OK. You are going to think I am crazy but I want us to start to pray about considering fost adopt (foster care that turns into adoption.)" Then I said..." AND there is a cute 4 year old named Everett and I want to ask about him." He was like.."KELLI!" I said," Just pray about it." Well...a couple of days later he came back to me and said that he was open to learning more.

That started our baby steps. We started by choosing an agency and then going to an informational night. What harm would that do? Then we drove to Thousand Oaks to the informational meeting because we didn't want to wait for the meeting in our town the next month. That's where we met "Sugar" . We called her "Sugs". If you have ever seen the TV show "Friends", remember Estelle, Joey's agent? That was "Sugs". She always had a TON of jewelry on and she loved to write out all of her credentials on the board. Matt and I liked her. She told us all about foster care, fost adopt, getting certified...all of it. Matt and I talked on the way home and decided that we would proceed with getting certified. Another baby step. What harm would that do? It was free and we felt like we were DOING something to help the process along. But we weren't getting ourselves into something that we couldn't get out of.

I got a phone call back about Everett. It turns out that they were wrong and he had to be adopted with his sister. And they had to have visitation with his older brother, who had ALOT of things going on that I would not want my kids around. Because of that, we closed that door. I believe that God used cute, beautiful Everett to capture a piece of my heart to set me on this path from Him. Next was to get certified!

Lucy's Adoption Story (Introduction)

2010-08-31T16:50:00.001-07:00

Today is a special day. One year ago today we got a call to come pick up a 5 day old baby girl. I will write more on that later but I am going to start from the very beginning.

Let me clarify some things. I wrote a story of Ivy's adoption. I put it on my former blog. I did it because I actually made it into a hard bound book for Ivy to have. I honestly love these adoption stories because it paints a clear picture of the things that Matt and I went through and what God did in our lives during that time and trial. I want my girls to see how much God loved them even at the very beginning of their lives and how good He really is.

The problem? Sometimes I am too much of an open book and parts of Ivy's story did hurt some people's feelings. So with that, if there are parts that seem vauge I am sorry but you will have to live with that. I am an open book but that doesn't mean everyone is and I need to respect that out of love.

So....here we go! When we adopted Ivy, I swore I would only ever do a private adoption. (No foster care! Too risky!) I loved Ivy's birthmom and was so happy with our 1st adoption. But...the Lord had other plans and it all started with a little boy named Everett..... To be continued!

In love with Lovies

2010-08-27T21:48:00.000-07:00

My blog friend Kirra has a new shop. You need to check it out! She has a giveaway going right now that you won't want to miss! All the best Kirra!

Celebrating Lucy

2010-08-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

We had an adoption/birthday party for Lulu this weekend. Lot's of food, fun, and fellowship to celebrate our little girl. I had been praying that Lucy would be adopted before her 1st birthday and she was! (Her birthday is Thursday) God even had her adopted before her party. He is so good and kind!

Two of my closest friends, Ashley and Wendy
Aunt Hollie

The Wells family

Getting candy from the pinata.
Big sister Ivy

Photos for Rachel

2010-08-20T08:24:00.001-07:00

Rachel, she wasn't the most cooperative model. Let's see what you can use. I'm no Sara Parsons. Haha :)

Lucy's Adoption Day

2010-08-18T17:56:00.001-07:00

I am so emotionally exhausted from the day but I thought I better get some pictures up of Lucy's adoption day so you could see them. My BF ,Wendy Penberthy came to court and so did my amazing sister, Hollie (who Lucy is named after..Lucy Ann) It was a great day! Here is Aunt Hollie with Lulu.Swearing in.
Signing the papers
Tearing up as the Judge was explaining that she was going to be our daughter.

The Judge always gives the adoptee a stuffed animal when they are adopted. Ivy got one today too.

Aunt Hollie

Auntie Wendy
Hollie Ann...Lucy Ann...

The shirts I had made for them on etsy.
Ivy's answered prayer

Hey, I'm an Elliott!
Thank you so much for your prayers. I will start her adoption story on here soon.

New Reading Material....

2010-08-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

I am really excited about my latest reading material! My friend,Kelli, who just moved to Franklin,TN., sent me this cookbook as an early birthday present. My girls and I are going to fly out and see her in October and we are going to go to this restaurant. It was featured on my lady Paula Deen's show. I read the cook book cover to cover. I even had to stop in the middle to go in the kitchen and get a snack because it was making me so hungry! I CAN NOT WAIT! Then I got to get one of the cook books on my wishlist this week. I have only read part of it and I can't wait to read the rest. The colors, pictures, and decorating in the book are so beautiful! If you haven't visited the Farm Chicks blog, you can on my blog roll. Now that I have started a diet, how long will it take before I make something in these books!

Just a little something I threw together

2010-08-12T07:40:00.000-07:00

I am starting to put together the desk in my room so I took a little bit of time last night and recovered a bulletin board. I will probably hang it. I had some floral fabric but I think Matt is on flower over load in our bedroom so I tried to do something different.
You can slightly see the other fabric behind mine but this type of board would have ruined when I took it apart. You won't see it once I have pictures on it.
I just used random buttons and ribbon that I had so that I wouldn't spend any money. I think I had gotten the board at a garage sale for a $1 with the plans to recover it all along.

Lucy's 1st Birthday Gift

2010-08-11T13:50:00.001-07:00

Lucy got her 1st birthday gift in the mail. (I think from my parents.) She got a couple of books and this is one of them. I just read it. So cute. One week from today we go to court and she officially becomes an Elliott!

A day with my girls

2010-08-06T22:02:00.000-07:00

I took the girls for a little girl's day as I am starting to go back to work next week. Here are some pictures of the day. Ivy LOVES the Grove! Thata girl! She had to bring her American Girl,Emily, who by the way had to be buckled into her own car seat every where we went. Oh boy. We ate at the Farmer's Market, which was soooo good.

Lucy could care less. She only cared about her pretzel.
Ivy is watching the fountain show. Then we headed to Malibu!

Shopped at the Country Mart
Ivy got a cookie at Crumbs bakery
and shared with her sister...
Heavy traffic on the way home, where I kept threatening to pop that dumb balloon if Ivy got it near me while I was driving ONE MORE TIME! P.S. Do you see doll Emily buckled in her car seat?
Trying on her new hat that she got at Nordstrom to look like aunt Hollie.
Then, if you haven't heard the news. As I was driving into Malibu, I got the call that our court date to finalize the adoption for Lucy is set for August 18! So we cheated on our diets (me and Matt, not the girls) and went to Menchie's for some yougurt.
My girls+ L.A.+good food+Daddy+ ANSWERED PRAYER= a great day!

My latest project

2010-08-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

I found this desk at a garage sale for $5. It was exactly what I have been looking for!Here is the finished project. I put it in my room next to the bookcase I had redone. Do you recognize the red chair my mom gave me? I don't have a lot on there yet but I am waiting to find a great lamp and the right accesories that I want.
The top knob I got from Anthropologie. The other ones are from Home Depot.
I got this cork board placemat from Pottery Barn for a surface to write on that would not get my desk as dirty. I wanted floral but they didn't have the right colors. I can always trade it out but this one make it look cheery.
My only question is, Should I distress the desk and bookcase or leave it alone? Thoughts?

My new favorite....

2010-08-03T15:51:00.000-07:00

I picked up this little cutie while shopping in an antique shop in Carpenteria with Lucy. We were at the beach and I took Lucy for a walk to give her something to do and I happened upon this initial necklace. I have been looking for a necklace to have with my girls initials and I loved this when I saw it. I didn't take pictures of the other side but the L has green glass behind it and the I has red glass. It is so pretty and well made. I am loving it as a casual necklace to wear.

More Soccer Camp

2010-07-28T22:08:00.000-07:00

Ivy's Soccer Camp

2010-07-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

I have been waiting for the day that Ivy could play sports. I never played them and being a woman who um...struggles with her weight....I have always desired her to love being active. So, as we are entering soccer season, she got to go to soccer camp. She is technically a little young for the camp but my good friend ,Jolene, let her squeeze in with her friends to see how she did. She did great and had a blast! Once I got her to quit dancing around, (literally) picking her nose on the field, stop holding hands with Lexie, and gain a little focus, she did so great. I had a little lump in my throat that my little baby is growing up!
Learning how to kick it in.
Yep, they were in the game when they stopped to hug it out.
The best of friends. Lexie, Ivy, and Katie

Remember This?

2010-07-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am still not sure if it will stay here. What do you think?

NBC Universal Estate Sale

2010-07-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

I looked on my estate sale website (located at the bottom right on my blog page) and saw that there was going to be an estate sale put on by NBC Universal studios. They were selling alot of set designs from TV shows like Heroes. I took the girls and it was AMAZING! It was 3 warehouses FULL.

If you want to go, I think that alot is 25% off tomorrow and Sunday everything is 50% off. 7:30 am -5 pm Location: 20000 Prairie Street, Chatsworth,CA. 91311I got 8 cafeteria trays for $2 ,8 hotdog baskets and ketchup bottle for $1, napkins for $1
straw dispenser for $3,extra straws and napkins for $1, a napkin dispenser for $1
cute frame $1
Entertainment Center for $10!!!!!!!!!! ( I might paint it or just clean it up)
Book shelf for $2 because of this scratch.
They had tons of bedroom furniture and couches. On the back of the bedroom stuff it would say whose rom it was but it didn't list the TV show. It had refrigerators from actor's trailers and TONS of stuff from fake restaurants. There I was in heaven! I bought the cafeteria trays so that Ivy and her friends can carry food outside to the pool on trays. They even had tons of sushi dishes and fake looking sushi. They even had coffins and someone bought one!

I was not anticipating all of this so they had to tie by back hatch with robe. Ivy was afraid she was going to fall out even though she was in a different row. I had not taken out 2 of my strollers so she had no where to put her feet. There was a fire by the freeway so the traffic was terrible so it took me over 2 hours to get home and I hadn't brought a bottle for Lucy ,so...fun times. I kept thinking of my blog friend Kirra who carried a chair home on the subway because she wanted her chair so bad. That is how I felt about my entertainment center. All this stuff for under $30...not bad!

One of my new favorites

2010-07-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

There is a blog I like to stalk...I mean read. I have met this girl once before I think but she would never remember me. I get so excited when she has a new blog post. (Come on, I know you have a fellow blogger that you do this to.....) Well, my friend Carly (who doesn't know she is my blog friend) had this on her website. It is a necklace that is a soft baby teething ring. it is from a company called Smart Mom. She has the information on her blog (at the very bottom of her post.)I got mine on Amazon.com and I love it. I get so many compliments on my necklace. If you have a little one, this is a must have! Thanks to my good friend Carly!